“YOUR NANNY DOESN’T KNOW WHAT THE HELL SHE’S DOING,” I heard Robert say later that same night. I was coming downstairs after putting William to bed, carrying his dirty clothes to the laundry room, but I paused outside the kitchen, peeking around the corner of the arched doorway to see Lonnie sitting with her knees curled up to her chest at the little breakfast table. I couldn’t see Robert. I ducked back around the corner and strained to hear Lonnie’s reply.

“She’s been great with William,” she said quietly. “He loves her.”

“He’s growing up with no boundaries. You’re making the same mistake I did at first, hiring these young girls because you think they have energy, but then you watch your kid embarrass you.”

“There is no way for him to embarrass me,” Lonnie said.

“You say that now. He’s a baby. But you start them out this way when they’re young, and soon they’ll be uncontrollable. He can already walk and talk, it’s time to worry about it.”

“You want me to find someone like Lada? I hated Lada.”

James came up behind me then. “Don’t worry,” he said softly. “Why don’t you go out for a while?”

I nodded, though I would’ve preferred to keep listening. Though I was terrified of being let go, I couldn’t make myself resentful of Robert—like Lonnie. The fact was, I thought with a sinking feeling, I didn’t know what I was doing. My job was mostly following William around, pulling his tiny hands away from electrical sockets and breakable objects, waiting for him to go to sleep so I could look through his mother’s things. I was a terrible nanny. It wasn’t exactly shame or self-reproach I felt then, however. At that point I regretted nothing; I just didn’t want to have to leave.

I DECIDED TO WALK INTO TOWN BY MYSELF. I WASN’T CLEAR ON how safe this was, but I set off anyway—walking along the highway. At first there was a considerable shoulder, with a view of the ocean at twilight, but soon the shoulder tapered off and I found myself hugging the metal railing that separated the road from the bay, ducking out of the way of tree branches and turning sideways to make myself thinner as cars passed me, honking, at rapid speeds. Eventually, I gave up and flagged a cab down.

“You try to walk?” the driver said. “It’s not good to walk. You have to drive.”

“It’s not very far,” I replied. “But the road isn’t made for walking.”

“You could get hit,” he said. “You are lucky.”