His thought process confounds me. “I’m not sad all the time. I have my happy moments.” It’s the worst lie I’ve ever told. “And even if I am, it has nothing to do with me being a Bellator. I don’t mind being one.” That is the truth.

But he doesn’t believe me. He takes my face in his hands, his voice as soft as a feather. “You don’t have to be sad, Juniper. I can make you happy, if you’ll let me.” We’re so close I can see the specks of green in his blue eyes. “I want us to be more than friends. I want us to be together.”

And there it is. It’s like a chain has been coiled around my chest, and he’s tugging at it. I can’t breathe.

He’s leaning in, his lips moving for mine, a kiss that will change everything, if I let it happen.

I lean back. “Why do you call me Juniper?”

He freezes, his forehead creasing. “Huh?”

“Juniper?” My foot’s tapping madly against the ground. “Why do you call me that? I mean, what even started it?”

His face falls. “That’s all you have to say?”

I’m crushing him; I can see it in his eyes. And I can’t seem to stop tapping my damn foot. “I’m sorry Tristan. I just…I just can’t.”

He stops breathing, as if my words strangle him. He shuts his eyes. “I can make you happy.” He opens them again, a sea of pain. “If you’ll just let me.”

I shake my head. “No, Tristan, you can’t.” They’re the realest words I’ve ever spoke.

“I love you.” His words are just a whisper of air and they fade with his breath as he waits, desperate for me to say it back.

But I can’t. I can’t lie this time. Not about this.

I stare at the ground. “I’m really sorry.”

A pause, a skip of a heartbeat.

“I’m sorry too, Kayla.”

Then he’s gone, leaving me and my unfeeling heart.

Chapter 6

I hurry to the hospital to talk to Monarch about what happened. I don’t realize how worried I am until I see him. He’s digging around in the medicine cabinet, his back turned, and there’s a tiny red stain on the neck of his white coat.

“Thank God,” I say. “I was worried that …” I don’t finish, not desiring to say aloud what I’m feeling.

He quickly turns around, his hand pressed over his heart. “You scared me. I didn’t even hear you come in.” Then he smiles. “You know, you’re getting lighter on your feet. That’s good. The quieter the better.”