I sit down on an empty bed next to Maci’s. Her chest is rising and falling, but I still can’t detect the murmur of her heartbeat.  “So the Highers didn’t punish you yesterday?”

He shakes his head and smiles, but his grey eyes are burdened. “No. I wasn’t punished.” He presses his fingers to the sides of his nose. “Kayla, I really wish you’d stop asking questions. There are so many risks, more than you understand.”

I slip off my leather jacket, ready for my shots. “I’m sorry, it’s just that …” Suddenly, I want to tell him everything. About my lies. About my fearlessness. About my ability to sense fear and hear heartbeats. About how I think there’s more to life than The Colony, the Highers, and their rules. I want to, but I can’t. It’s like there’s a wall around me that I just can’t get over. “I’ll try to stop.”

“I don’t want you to stop.” He rolls up the sleeves of his jacket.  “I just want you to wait until the time is right.”

“I don’t understand.”

“And you don’t need to right now,” he says. “Right now, I need you not to understand.”

A thousand questions tickle at my tongue, but I bite them back. “Can I ask you a normal question then?”

He hesitates, but then nods.

“Have you ever been in love? Really in love?”

He watches me, his eyes crinkling in pain. Then he turns away to sort through his medicine bottles. “You know, I never wanted children. It wasn’t in my plans. I was too busy trying to change the world with medicine.” He picks up small glass bottle, filled with the purple liquid and sets in on the counter. “My ex-wife did, though. She wanted children so badly. But I was selfish. I didn’t want to sacrifice my own time.” He chokes up, about to cry, and I don’t know what to do. He never cries.

“Monarch, are you okay?” I ask uncomfortably.

When he turns back around, his eyes are blood shot. “She would have been proud to have you as a daughter. Anyone would.” He pauses. “It’s me she would have been disappointed in.”

I’m not sure what he means. “I’m sure that’s not true.”

He fills a syringe with the purple medicine. “You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew the truth,” he says. I open my mouth, a ton of questions about to spill out, but he cuts me off. “I think we’ll skip your regular shot today,” he says. “We’ll just do this one.”

I tilt my head to the side, my long black hair falling into my face. “But I have to have my shot or else I’ll die.”