Because the truth is, I wasn’t positive if I was going to make it through this. I’ve taken more than my fair share of hits over the years while I’ve been trying to make it to the NHL, but this is easily the worst one I’ve ever absorbed. One second, the hulking center for the Coyotes was hurtling toward me, and the next thing I knew, I was on a stretcher with a bunch of unfamiliar faces standing over me.

I wiggle my fingers just to see if I can move them, and they work so I try to do the same thing with my toes, and those work too. But when I try to sit up, a splitting pain makes it feel like someone has taken a jackhammer to my skull.

“Easy, killer. Not so fast,” one of the medics cautions, then helps me lie back down. “Don’t worry, you’re in good hands. All we need you to do right now is rest. Think you can do that?”

I almost nod, but after the searing pain I just felt in my head, I think better of it. “Yeah. I think I can handle that,” I croak out, and the medic smiles at me.

When he steps away, I can see Hannah again. Coach Dunaway is holding her tight in his arms, and her eyes are glistening with tears. He pats her back, clearly trying to comfort her, but it doesn’t seem to be working.

More than anything else, I wish it was me holding her right now. I’d love nothing more than to kiss her forehead and tell her that I’m going to be fine, that I’m not going to let this beat me.

It could’ve been so much worse.

That thought makes a pit open in my stomach as it hits me just how close I came to ending this dream I’ve been chasing my entire life. People talk all the time about how dangerous hockey is, but I never really took that risk seriously before now. Because it never mattered enough to me to scare me away.

The only thing I’ve ever wanted was to make it to the NHL, to live this dream.

And I easily could’ve lost that and so much more tonight if things had gone even a little bit differently. If the medics are talking about concussions and CT scans, then my career might still be in trouble, but I refuse to accept defeat. I have to believe that I’m going to pull through this. I don’t have another choice, because everything else in my life depends on it.