His outlook stuns me. I can’t say I feel quite the same way about my own bad hands that life has doled out. There isn’t a single fiber in my body that wouldn’t willingly give itself up to get Casey back, to undo all the trauma and damage done to my entire family when he died.

I’ve lost track of the number of times I’ve cried myself to sleep about it, hoping and praying that when I woke up Casey would be in the bedroom next to mine again. It changed all of us and our lives forever, and we’re still grappling with it, even ten years later.

I’d love to find a way back to the happy-go-lucky girl I was at fourteen, the girl who thought the whole world was hers, but that version of me feels like a distant memory, so far away now that I often wonder if she ever really existed or if I just made her up to help myself cope.

There’s no denying I’m different now, overly cautious and always afraid of the other shoe dropping. But who wouldn’t be after losing their twin brother at that age?

Looking at Declan now—his eyes bright with life despite everything—makes something shift inside me.

I already admired him for his discipline and commitment to hockey, on and off the ice, but learning about all the stuff he’s been through and how he’s powered through it without letting it totally change him has only made those feelings stronger. He’s more than just impressive, he’s amazing.

“But fuck all my naysayers, because look at me now. I’m the hotshot rookie on the hottest team in the league,” he says with a grin, snapping me out of my thoughts and back into the booth where my hands are still linked with his.

I chuckle. “Damn right you are.”

He gives my hands a little squeeze, and although his grin doesn’t waver, I can see a hint of the weight he’s carried reflected behind his eyes.

“Besides, it wasn’t all bad,” Declan continues. “There were plenty of good moments too. And the hard stuff just made me realize that you have to take the good while you have it. I mean, you probably know better than anyone else that nothing is guaranteed to last forever.”

I swallow, nodding as his words wash over me. Because he’s right. I do.

21. Declan

Chapter 21

Declan

Something softens in Hannah’s expression as she nods, her fingers brushing back and forth across my knuckles in a way that seems almost subconscious. The thread of tension that’s been dangling between us since we sat down feels like it instantly goes taut. It’s hard to describe, but I feel something shift between us, something dancing back and forth on that thread like a tightrope walker that could fall over at any second.