“The question has to be what he didn’t do. He drank my scotch whenever I wasn’t looking and claimed it was the cook. Then I found out he had an affair with the maid and he stole toilet paper regularly.”

Giggling, Madison pulled Sherry toward the rounded seating bench where Jake was sitting with Lillian and Danielle standing next to him. “Toilet paper?”

Her grandmother squinted at her.

Jake and Danielle laughed.

“Who steals toilet paper, for God’s sake?”

“This ne’er-do-well, obviously.” Grandmother Eileen wiped imaginary lint off her blouse. “It’s hard to find good staff these days.”

Lillian rolled her head around in a circle, which could have been an agreement or an attempt to loosen some tense muscles.

“Can one get anything decent to eat in this…establishment?” Grandmother Eileen asked when nobody seemed to comment on her story.

Danielle leaned over to Jake. “Don’t worry. I think Aunt Eileen gave up eating human flesh since she started wearing dentures.”

Madison leaned closer to Sherry, whispering, “I wouldn’t bet on that.”

Sherry cracked up.

Lillian’s lips twitched while she obviously fought a smile of her own. She turned to Grandmother Eileen. “There’s a buffet over there.”

Grandmother Eileen either hadn’t heard Danielle and Madison or was ignoring them. She wrinkled her nose at Lillian. “Is that food sitting over there hygienic?”

“Of course!” Danielle bellowed.

“Ah, I’ll eat when I get home. I was about to take my leave soon anyway.”

A collective sigh went through the group when she left the Archer a few minutes later.

“Who invited her?” Madison asked.

Danielle raised her hand. “Guilty as charged. How could I know that she would actually come?”

“Don’t be too hard on Eileen,” Lillian said. “She might be a little bit difficult, but she’s still part of the family.”

“But not of mine!” Jake gulped and asked, “Right?”

Sherry chuckled.

Madison couldn’t resist saying, “Well, should your mother and I ever decide to marry, she would become your great grandmother.”

Sherry blanched.

Danielle, who sipped on yet another cocktail, startled. “You’re thinking about getting married?”

Madison felt Sherry’s drilling gaze on her. She probably should have kept her mouth shut. She hoped her shrug looked casual. “We haven’t discussed it yet, but—”

Bill, who had been walking toward them, wrapped his arms around Sherry. “You’re thinking about tying the knot? Congratulations.”

As soon as he let go of her, Sherry shook her head abrasively. “No, we—”

He patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry. Aunt Eileen will drop dead as soon as she learns about this, so you won’t get her as a quasi-mother-in-law.”

As tempting as this thought was, Sherry’s panicked expression made it clear that she’d gone too far. “Sorry to tell you, Bill, but there is no marriage in sight. We like living in sin.”