Dain shuddered, his voice coming with a harsh viciousness and his mouth pulling back into a sneering slice of a smile. Pain, so much pain; I could see it behind his golden eyes, an ocean of it. "Shouldn't people be grateful that they didn't have to fight an endless war, and watch their friends and family lose eternity, one after another? Shouldn't they think 'better the enemy than us'?" He spread his hands as he drew his wing-arms back in. "So why don't they?"

"Dain," I said, my hands shaking, staring at him with pity and horror.

"Stop looking at me like that, Leah," Dain said, his voice harsh. "This is what I am. Stop pretending I'm a good man. You don't even know how many lives I've taken, or how much blood I've shed. " He exhaled, sharp and shuddering. "Thirty-four days, Leah. Are you ready to face them, knowing that I'd cut my own throat to know that you loved me?"

The words struck me like a baseball bat to the kneecaps. If I hadn't already been sitting I would have fallen over at the agony in his words. He'd sat here thanking me, shy and sweet, and now he looked like he would enjoy watching me get crucified and gutted.

At first anger rushed in to cover the hurt, but that first flush of fire was quenched by the knowledge that Dain hadn't wanted me to know this about him. We'd kissed, both expecting nothing more than what we'd done together when he'd finally come home to me. What had happened afterwards had caught Dain in its current the same way that it had caught me.

I already knew that every step towards vulnerability was matched with the certainty that this would be the step too far, and I'd see who he really was and despise him. I'd seen the fear on his face, over and over. The soulmate bond had torn open the gates of his heart. Of course he was retreating.

I looked at him for one long moment, then asked in a soft voice, "Are you?"

Dain clenched his jaw, the muscles in his temple shifting. Without answering, he whirled on one heel and strode away, his tails streaming like war banners behind him.

I watched him go, and didn't follow.

38. Missing Pieces

Chapter 38

Missing Pieces

I sat in the hedge maze until the night air started cooling too much for me to be comfortable in my dress and slippers. Nobody else tried to find me, and I didn't anticipate that they would. After my flagrant display with Dain, and our disappearances shortly thereafter, I figured most everyone at the revel would assume that we were currently fucking like rabbits.