‘It sounds as though a lot is on your mind at the moment, both in your personal life and with your clients.’

‘Yes.’

‘Do you feel confident that you have the tools to process it?’

‘I think so. I’m conscious of maintaining my boundaries with my mother. I’m allowing all the stages of grief over Elisabeth and trying to not become stuck in thought patterns. But I see her everywhere, you know? The other night… I was looking at this woman at a party, and it was as though her face briefly became Elisabeth’s and it just hit me so hard. And Leah… I think Leah reminds me of her. Last week, there was something so raw and desperate about her, and something about the intensity of her need. I lived with Elisabeth’s need for so long. And then, discovering Leah’s pregnancy, it just really threw me and triggered my feelings about motherhood. I am going to work on not allowing my feelings to impact my support of Leah; it’s crucial that no part of me would judge her for her choices.’

‘That sounds very reasonable.’ We sit in silence for a while, the softly lit, warm room like a cocoon, and I want it to be Vera who speaks first. ‘Kristina, I’ve been meaning to ask,’ she says eventually. ‘How are you sleeping at the moment? Any more disturbing flashbacks?’

‘No. Well. I’ve been sleeping quite well.’ This is a white lie, but I don’t want to get into the sleepless nights today, and besides, they’re nothing new. ‘I’ve been really busy. I have quite a few new clients and in the run-up to the elections, my husband needs a lot of support…’

‘It doesn’t sound like there is a lot of time for you.’

‘Well. That might be a good thing. Considering the circumstances.’

‘Perhaps you are avoiding thinking about or processing certain things by keeping very busy, and keeping your mind on the surface.’

‘Vera. I allow myself to feel and to process.’

‘Good.’

‘Just. I suppose I have been confused recently. It does feel like I am having a hard time deciphering what exactly my feelings are about stuff. Sometimes I feel so angry I could smash something at the smallest provocation, like if my husband doesn’t answer a text message fast enough. Other times I feel like crying, but for no reason.’

‘No reason?’

‘Well, you know – it seems triggered by the strangest little things. A beautiful, wilting flower. Or a disturbing dream. A song on the radio I’d forgotten, that takes me back to… to the past.’

‘What kind of disturbing dreams, Kristina? I thought you said you’d been sleeping well?’

I feel irritated with myself for slipping up and bringing the conversation to my dreams because it will inevitably lead us down a path I don’t want to take – not today. ‘Mostly well. Occasionally not, I guess.’