‘I’m running though a thick, overgrown jungle. I’m barefoot. Terrified. Wild animals are chasing me, they snap their jaws and tear pieces of flesh from my body, stripping me to the bone. I can feel warm blood running down my face and the metallic taste of it in her mouth. I fall down, I always do, and the animals encircle me, breathing heavily, inching closer; I can see the gnarly, bloodied teeth of wolves, the razor-sharp talons of a white-tailed eagle, and I can smell death in the air. I know that often people wake moments before something dramatic happens in a dream, like falling or being shot. I never do. For me, it is still only the beginning. The animals tear at what remains of my skin, ripping it from the muscle, my eyes are plucked from their sockets. I can feel my lifeless body being pulled in different directions until my remains sink deep into the forest floor, as if the branches and brambles will take whatever is left. When I wake up, I’m always exhausted, like someone has drained my body of blood, and my head spins with dizzying thoughts.’

‘What kind of thoughts?’ asks Olivia, softly.

‘I don’t know,’ she says, and stands back up, making for the door, avoiding Dr Hudson’s eyes. But she does know. These nights make her resent Kristina; it’s not like she has night after night of this hell. She’ll sleep peacefully, next to her perfect husband in her perfect home. It feels unfair.

19

Kristina

He’s gone when I wake up, though it is still dark outside. Tomorrow November will be here, the darkest and dreariest month. Like several of my clients, Leah spoke of the coming winter a few times recently, and expressed anxiety about the dark months looming. Several months of near-constant darkness and cold take their toll on many people here in the north, myself included. It is hard to avoid the feeling of lethargy and melancholy that seems to seep into your very bones when it is dark when you go to work, dark when you come back home and often chucking it down with icy rain to top it off. I’ve had another one of those nights I often have, struggling to fall asleep, and then when I finally do, I have a terrible nightmare. I wake with a start, heart pounding, my face wet with tears, and no recollection of the dream, other than running away from something. After these episodes, I lie tossing and turning for hours, my mind ruminating over little details from the day, or a client’s situation, or the past. By the time I fall asleep again, not even an hour remains until my alarm goes off.