‘I’ve worked with other pregnant women and have a couple of new mothers at the moment, and I’d be lying if I said that it isn’t challenging at times, considering the fact that Eirik and I so far haven’t managed to get pregnant.’ And not for a lack of trying – seven cycles of IVF with nothing to show for it. ‘But I think when it comes to Leah, it feels especially unfair and difficult because I know she wouldn’t want to be pregnant and is pretty likely to have an abortion. She doesn’t have a partner, or a lifestyle suitable for a child. What would she be able to offer it? She’s working through some very complex issues which present in ways that would be directly harmful to a child…’ I trail off, and wipe at tears, looking out the window at the brilliant blue sky. I can’t bear Vera’s immense empathy in this moment.

‘But Kristina, she hasn’t yet spoken to you about her pregnancy. People do change, and perhaps Leah is making changes to her life that would benefit a potential child. It occurs to me that in this case, you don’t know what is going on, and perhaps it feels like a rejection that she hasn’t chosen to share this with you.’

‘Yes.’

‘And on a personal level, her presumably unplanned pregnancy feels unfair to you due to your own painful struggle to conceive.’

I nod, not even trying to stop the fresh rush of tears.

‘Do you think you will be able to support her through her pregnancy, no matter how it ends?’

‘Well, yes. I mean, of course. I’m just shocked, I guess. And grieving.’

‘Which are both very natural human emotions.’

‘It’s just been a bit much recently. I saw my mother last night and she wanted to speak about Elisabeth, and I just need some space from what happened. But it’s like she wants to instruct me in how to behave, and how to grieve, acting all disapproving when I won’t do what she expects.’

‘What do you think she expects?’

‘I think she wants me to make big displays of how I’m feeling. To support Elisabeth’s mother more, when I can barely handle my own feelings. My mother wants me to share my grief with her – you know, sobbing together and looking through childhood photographs.’

‘But that’s not what you need?’

‘No, it isn’t. I need to make my peace with it all. To forgive myself for not saving her.’

‘It wasn’t your job to save Elisabeth, Kristina.’

I nod, but my throat is constricted by a painful lump. I allow myself a few long moments to breathe through these feelings and feel grateful for Vera’s soothing presence.

‘I just keep wondering if it could have been different.’