“Whatever you decide, Rachel, we’re behind you,” Alex says. “Just know that you can get through this, and you will. You’re going to keep going, and you’re going to make a path for yourself that’s even better than anything you could have imagined.”

“What he said,” Leah says, nodding, and I’m surprised to find a small chuckle escape me.

“Alex is right,” Umma adds. “Your best years aren’t behind you. They’re waiting for you. You are my brilliant, strong daughter, and you can meet whatever challenges life throws your way.”

I take a deep breath, letting their words sink in. I needed to be reminded to not give up on myself just because DB and the girls did. “Thank you. All of you. What would I do without you?”

“Do you need some multiple-choice options to help you make your decision?” Alex asks gently.

I shake my head. “I know what I need to do.”

This is going against every peacemaking bone in my body, but I know in my heart it’s the right thing to do.

After I say goodbye to Alex, I open my phone and begin typing up a post for Instagram.

And just like Umma said, I speak my truth. At least, as much of it as I feel safe enough to say. “My Dearest +Evers, I am devastated. Serving as a member of Girls Forever has always been my priority and the true love of my life. But now, for no justifiable reason, I am being forced out.…”

I type out a few more sentences, trying to keep myself together as the tears start to fall. I’m doing this for the fans, I remind myself. They deserve to know the truth. Then I put down my phone and brace for the rest of the world to blow up, the way mine already has.

TWENTY-EIGHT

It’s been seventy-two hours, but it may as well have been seventy-two weeks. Time has lost all meaning. The hours bleed into days as I mope around the apartment, wearing my slouchiest sweatpants and foregoing showers for messy ponytails, ignoring the crazy tabloids and rumors eating up the story and spitting out wild theories. Umma and Appa were understanding at first, but after a while, they have started begging me to at least consider a shower.

After posting about leaving the group on Instagram, I’ve been living in, for lack of better words, a media shitstorm. At first, fans thought I was joking, that my account had been hacked, that DB would never in a million years kick me out of Girls Forever. But when I didn’t show up at the airport to go to LA with the rest of the girls, they knew it was for real.