“You need to speak your truth, Rachel,” Umma says over my shoulder. I look over to the armchair where she’s been sitting silently. My mom is often reluctant to wade into any discussion of my career. We came to an understanding years ago, and I know that she supports me, but she’s made it clear since I was a trainee that she’s wary of the K-pop industry. And even though I know she’s proud of me for following my dream, I also know that she sometimes wishes I had chosen an easier path for myself. Since our meeting at DB, part of me has been waiting for Umma to say I told you so. But of course she never would. I lean forward to look at her now, trying once again to draw some of her strength into myself. “You need to speak your truth,” she says again. “Don’t let anyone put words in your mouth. Say what you want to say.”

“I just don’t want to cause any more drama,” I say, folding back in on myself on the couch. And it’s true. Even after everything DB and the girls have done to me, vengeance is the last thing I want. “Maybe it’s better if I’m just quiet and do what they want me to.” My voice sounds small. Like a tiny ant, easy to squish underfoot without a second thought. I press the heels of my hands to my eyes. I’m so tired, and not just because I didn’t get any sleep last night. This exhaustion is bone deep. Maybe I really should just stay silent and let this all end.

“Oh no, no, no,” Appa says, sensing my defeat. “It’s fine if you want to say you’re sick, but only if you want to say that. Not because you feel like you have to roll over and do whatever DB tells you to do. What do I always say? We roll with the punches, but we don’t stop fighting.”

“But if I tell the truth about what happened, there’s no way DB will let me off the hook for exposing them like that,” I say, swallowing hard. “They offered to play nice and deal with the fallout themselves. I’m basically publicly rejecting that offer. And if that happens…”

My voice trails off. I don’t need to finish my thought. Everyone knows.

If that happens, then what?

Will I be able to strike out on my own, without DB?

I think about N&G, the spinoff group who hasn’t been able to perform on TV ever since they left the company because of DB’s blacklisting.

Am I willing to risk any chance I have of future success just to tell my truth right now?