It’s one thing for some of my fans to stand up for me on the internet but quite another thing to expect them to come out for an event—it would be a huge statement, and some might see it as a betrayal of Girls Forever. Would they think it disloyal of me? Would it seem like proof of my desire to leave the group even though I never wanted that? And what would DB think?

“I… will have to consider all of this carefully,” I say honestly.

“Of course. Take as much time as you need,” Carly says. “But Rachel?”

“Yes?”

“Don’t overthink it.”

“What do you mean?”

“Have you ever heard the phrase What got you here won’t get you there?”

“Um, I think so?”

“You’ve led an amazing career so far as part of Girls Forever, but sometimes the universe needs to kick you in the butt to show you that there’s more out there beyond what you’ve already achieved. If you keep doing what you were always doing, you’ll keep seeing the same results. If you’re forced to break out in a new way, you’ll see new results. Follow what I’m saying?”

It kind of seems like what she’s saying is that my getting kicked out of the group was somehow meant to be. That’s a tough one to swallow, but I think about what my mother told me when I was curled up in a stress ball in Switzerland. That I need to start thinking more with my heart and not just my head. The old Rachel planned everything to a tee. She did what she had to do to please everyone.

And this is where it has landed me.

“Rachel?”

“Still here. And yes, I think I see what you mean. What got me here won’t get me there.”

“Exactly. Call me when you’ve decided.”

And with that, I’m left with a dial tone… and the realization that everything that lies ahead of me is in my own hands. Maybe I’ve been asking all the wrong questions—How will everyone else feel? What will DB say? Maybe the real question is, How will I feel?

I get to decide whether to let this scandal swallow me whole and bring me down, or get up, wash my hair, put on a power outfit, and forge my own way.

TWENTY-NINE

The look on Alex’s face when he arrives at baggage claim at Incheon and sees me standing there waiting for him in the airport is absolutely priceless. The shocked expression only gets more extreme when cameras start flashing all around us, as I race toward him and wrap my arms around him.

“Rachel!” he gasps in surprise. Then he whispers in my ear, “They’re everywhere, babe. Paparazzi on all sides. We’re surrounded.”