The aftermath was wild. DB released a statement saying that I chose to leave to pursue fashion instead of K-pop. So much for family. It hurt to read such blatant dishonesty, but I can’t say I was surprised. I rebutted their statement, but the media continues to swirl with rumors. Even Alex’s name got dragged into the mess, and people are citing him as the reason that I left the group—calling him the Yoko Ono of Girls Forever. In an effort to avoid any further media backlash, I asked him to stay in Hong Kong and be discreet. It’s no time for him to swoop in and try to be a hero, much as I wish he were here with me right this second.

“Stop reading those articles,” he says when I start another rant about the awful, untrue things being said about him online. “You know they’re not doing you any good.”

He’s right. I should definitely stop.

But I can’t seem to help myself.

I spend countless hours every day reading the news. I scour everything from business articles about how DB’s stock value has dropped millions (this gives me some minor satisfaction at least) to netizen commentaries on fan boards. Some of my most loyal fans are sticking by my side and supporting my truth with heartfelt posts that make me cry, but others blame me for this entire mess.

I don’t know why I think I’ll feel better reading these comments. The deeper I dig, the worse I feel, but I can’t seem to stop.

I hit a new low when DB announces a new subgroup: LM. Lizzie and Mina. This must have been in the works for a few months. The track list for their album is already out… and the title single is “Brighter in the Dark”—the song I rewrote with Mina. The rest of the track listing is just as familiar.

“Sparkle You.”

“Today I Will.”

“Rocketship.”

Every single song on this list is from my blue songwriting notebook.

Every. Single. One.

I thought Jiyoon ruined my notebook by accident that night I held her while she cried about Jin. But now I think she must have ripped out the pages and given them to Mina and Lizzie. I guess I’ll never know for sure. Just like I’ll never know who took my Balenciaga or who tipped off Reveal about me and Alex. And does it really matter? In the end, I still wound up here.

And besides, I know how this works. Technically, DB owns all the rights to anything music-related created by an artist while under contract. So even though I’m the original author of these songs, DB is free to make use of them any way they choose.

Including giving them to LM.

Once again, DB is distributing opportunities as they see fit, but this time, it’s on a whole other level.