“Thank you for being here,” Mr. Noh says. His eyes meet mine, then dart away. I’ve never seen him look so uncomfortable. “We called you in here today to talk about something important.” His voice sounds strange, almost strangled. “Starting tomorrow, you won’t need to participate in any of the group activities. I’m sorry to say it, but there’s just no other way around it.…” He looks at me expectantly, like he’s hoping I understand what he’s trying to say. But I don’t. At all. No other way around what? Then Mr. Noh takes a deep breath and says, “I’m so sorry, Rachel, but it’s no longer possible for you to be a member of Girls Forever.”

TWENTY-SEVEN

My mind goes completely blank.

My brain cannot compute the string of words that just came out of Mr. Noh’s mouth.

I stare at him like he’s speaking a foreign language I’m not fluent in—grasping for meaning from the few words I recognize.

No longer a member.

“I—what—” I start to say, but I can’t find any more words to make sense of this moment.

“What do you mean?” Umma asks for me, steel in her voice. “Are you saying she’s terminated?” I am so grateful to have her on my side—but horrified she has to witness this. She’s the one who had to sacrifice so much for my career, which is—what? Over?

Mr. Noh meets Umma’s unflinching gaze. He won’t say the words, but it’s clear from the look on his face that Umma is right. I have been terminated from my group.

“We’re sorry it’s come to this, but unfortunately, there was no other way,” Mr. Noh continues. “Of course, we’ll keep you on the company roster. Your DB contract doesn’t expire for another four years, so…” He trails off.

It’s one of those things that’s so ridiculous and so unbelievable that even though I’m sitting right here, feeling the leather swivel chair under my arms, seeing the glint of the boardroom lights on the shiny mahogany table, it still feels like a strange dream. Or nightmare. I don’t know whether to laugh or to cry, and I think I’m doing a little bit of both. Ms. Shim averts her eyes as a strange, snotty noise escapes me.

So this is really happening. I am no longer a member of Girls Forever. With my brain finally coming to grips with the what of it all, I finally find myself questioning the why.

Suddenly, Kang Jina’s face flashes across my mind. She and Electric Flower were at the absolute peak of their success as a group, and they forced her out anyway. I think of her that day, after the news came out—drunk on soju, eyes wild, telling me, They’ll fucking ruin you.

She was right.