They’re terrible influences on their own, but together they melded their powers like some fashion-crazy supervillain, out to make me wince in pain and cry for mercy more than once. I practically had to grease my body to squeeze into the dress they forced me to wear and I’m going to need pliers (or scissors) to get out of it at the end of the night. That is, if I don’t end up in the ER thanks to the shoes Daisy strapped onto my feet before shoving me out of my apartment.

My body was made for a lot of things, but wearing four-inch stilettos is not one of them.

I have trekked up mountains and crossed through rivers courtesy of the suede and cork footbed of my beloved Birkenstocks. But one short jaunt across the dining room of a steak house? I nearly died. Thrice.

If we had gone to the burger place across from the Book Nook, none of this would’ve been an issue.

I mean, sure, I’m the one who recommended this place to Jasper. And yeah, he just followed my lead for the night. But to be fair, it’s not my fault that I’m complete trash for a fancy overpriced drink, and this place has an entire menu of floral cocktails. Do they taste good? Who knows! I had the opportunity to have one or two rose martinis with roses frozen into a globe ice cube (for free!) and jumped at it. Me nearly breaking an ankle and a rib tonight is what Gran would have called a case of karma. And she wouldn’t have been wrong.

On the bright side, at least I was lucky enough to make my grand, wobbly entrance before Jasper was there to be a witness. This might not be a real date, but nobody wants the hotness that is Jasper Williams to see them struggle across a five-star restaurant looking like a newborn giraffe. I don’t know how I’m going to sneak out without him seeing, but I’m hoping I’ll have enough booze in me that I won’t care.

“Thank you so much.” I take the martini from the waitress much like I used to take Elsie’s newborns from her, that is to say, gently and cautiously. Treating it like the precious creation I know it to be.

“You’re so welcome. Can I get you anything else while you wait?” Janet, the lovely waitress who looks way better than is fair in her work uniform of plain black slacks and a white button-up, asks.

“No, thank you, this is perfect for now.” I gesture to the martini glass in my hand.

She smiles and nods. “Wonderful, I’ll be back to check on you soon.”