I force my chin up and walk out of the brewery with my head held high, keeping it that way as I grab a room in the motel around the corner.

And only once I’m in the room with ugly green carpet and stiff sheets do I let the tears fall.

Everything was going too well.

I should’ve known better.

Some people are meant for happy, while others are meant to merely exist.

Silly me.

I thought I had a chance for things to be good.

But I’ll be okay. I’m always okay. One day I’ll forget all about this. Sure, it might take a while. Months. Years. Maybe even decades. But one day in the future, I won’t even remember what it was like to almost have it all.

I look at my fingers after I wipe away the last remnants of melted mascara from beneath my eyes and realize they’re not pruney anymore. All signs of my time in the hot springs have long gone dry.

So much for miracle waters.

CHAPTER 24

I looked up alternate ways to get to Denver from Ouray.

The cost of a private car was more than a quarter of my rent. The bus ride had five transfers and took twelve hours. But after spending six of the most miserable hours in a silent car with Jasper, I’m reconsidering my final decision.

Jasper dropped me off at my place and I climbed out of the car without so much as a goodbye. When I walked into my apartment, I thought about jumping into my bed and sleeping for—I don’t know—an eternity or so. But then I realized that even that wouldn’t be enough. So instead, I got into my car and drove to the Book Nook.

I’ve missed my gran more times than I can possibly count. In big moments and in little moments, she’s always on my mind. But right now, I need her more than ever.

I need to hear her voice as she shouts my name by way of greeting. I need to feel her arms around me as she promises me everything will be okay.

I need answers.

But she’s gone and there are none.

I ignore the way my stomach twists when I turn into the tiny staff parking lot behind the Book Nook. I try to convince myself that it’s residual anxiety from my time with Jasper and once I’m inside, everything will be better.

But as I walk through the front door, the bell I hear so often, it rings in my sleep, chiming over my head as the distinct scent of books filters through the air, the feeling of home I was expecting is nowhere to be found.