The disappointment is palpable. It blooms in my chest, the dull ache sharpening with every traitorous step I take. I know it’s not rational, but I feel as if this place has betrayed me, and as I walk deeper into the store, I’m counting down the seconds, waiting until I can confront it.

Dani is at the front counter, checking out a customer, when she sees me.

“Drew!” Dani can’t hide the surprise—and concern—on her face when she sees me walk in. “We weren’t expecting you back until Thursday. Is everything okay?”

The fake smile I perfected no longer comes second nature. It strains on my cheeks and my head starts to ache.

“Totally.” I lie without missing a beat. “Just missed it here. You know I can’t stay away for long.”

“Well, we missed you.” I can tell she doesn’t buy what I’m selling, but she doesn’t want to make a scene in front of the customer. “Oh! By the way—”

“Why don’t you finish here and then meet me in the office and tell me.” I feel terrible for cutting her off, but I don’t know how much longer I can keep this facade up. “I have a few things I forgot to take care of before I left.”

She still looks uncertain but nods anyway and doesn’t say anything as I turn my back to her. I zoom through the bookshelves with blinders on, not acknowledging any of the customers as I go. I keep my eyes planted on the floor in front of me, too afraid they might accidentally wander to one of the books I read with Jasper.

As soon as I reach Gran’s office, I slam the door shut behind me, twisting the measly lock that a four-year-old could pick. No, really. A four-year-old could pick it, or at least a pair of four-year-olds. Elsie’s twins have definitely broken in a time or two—they know Auntie Drew keeps candy in her desk.

I flip on the light and cringe at what I see when I do. Though I’ve only been gone for a couple of days, papers have accumulated on my desk as if I’ve been gone for weeks on end. The light on the office phone is blinking, indicating at least one but probably multiple messages left for me, and I don’t even want to imagine what the emails look like.

Fast and unwelcome, Jasper’s confession flashes through my mind. I try to ignore it, but here in this space, pieces of Gran all around, I can’t shut it down. I wonder what she was thinking when she called Connor. Why she made all these decisions without ever letting me in. I wonder if anything I’ve done since she passed matters or if I’m wasting everybody’s time.

I close my eyes and take a breath.