I could study these places unrecognized and undisturbed. We were like two newly twenty-one-year-olds darting in and out of “hot” clubs and dodging stodgy adults at every turn. I would sneak in at night as if I had missed curfew. Griffin would be “working on the restaurants’ books,” but I knew he was waiting up for me. After that first night, I limited myself to one drink per night. I needed my wits about me to figure out the “why” of the vibe. Some nights, I would kiss his cheek in the same fashion as I had in the mornings. He would often lean into me for a deeper kiss. Other times he would be on the sofa with his laptop, and I would quietly sit beside him, linking my arm in his and enjoying the companionship of our shared silence. There were times our mutual longing overpowered us both until he would pull out his checkbook and I would pull away. That checkbook served as an aphrodisiac suppressor for me.

As we headed into May, I knew I had to pitch my ideas to the boys soon. Under my plan, the restaurant needed to be closed at least a month, potentially six weeks. I had already talked to Dexter, and if the boys were on board, we could close the restaurant the last week in July and all of August, when summer was dead in the city. Closing during that time wouldn’t mean a big loss of revenue. I realized one night I would rather make a pitch to strangers than these two men who had placed so much responsibility and hope into my hands.

I refused sleep. Instead I rehearsed my plan over and over in my head. I had wanted to reimagine VERT from the start, and I had gotten my wish. Anxiety crushed me at times. Henry and Griffin being underwhelmed was my nightmare. Fear comes with age, like maturity and wisdom. As children, we are often immune to the contours of fear. In our twenties, we are fortified by our own ambition. The shadow of mistakes and might’ve-beens has not found us yet. My own insecurity with the two of the men I loved most shocked me.

Then I got a call from Elliott. He was curt.

“Bailey, who makes the paint color on the walls, and where can we get it?” His aloof manner undid me. He sounded like a stranger. I gave him the information, and the phone went dead. Hearing his voice coupled with my anxiety balled me up in the corner of my room. I did not need that today.