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Chapters (66)
  1. Cover
  2. Title Page
  3. Dedication
  4. Chapter One
  5. Chapter Two
  6. Chapter Three
  7. Chapter Four
  8. Chapter Five
  9. Chapter Six
  10. Chapter Seven
  11. Chapter Eight
  12. Chapter Nine
  13. Chapter Ten
  14. Chapter Eleven
  15. Chapter Twelve
  16. Chapter Thirteen
  17. Chapter Fourteen
  18. Chapter Fifteen
  19. Chapter Sixteen
  20. Chapter Seventeen
  21. Chapter Eighteen
  22. Chapter Nineteen
  23. Chapter Twenty
  24. Chapter Twenty-One
  25. Chapter Twenty-Two
  26. Chapter Twenty-Three
  27. Chapter Twenty-Four
  28. Chapter Twenty-Five
  29. Chapter Twenty-Six
  30. Chapter Twenty-Seven
  31. Chapter Twenty-Eight
  32. Chapter Twenty-Nine
  33. Chapter Thirty
  34. Chapter Thirty-One
  35. Chapter Thirty-Two
  36. Chapter Thirty-Three
  37. Chapter Thirty-Four
  38. Chapter Thirty-Five
  39. Chapter Thirty-Six
  40. Chapter Thirty-Seven
  41. Chapter Thirty-Eight
  42. Chapter Thirty-Nine
  43. Chapter Forty
  44. Chapter Forty-One
  45. Chapter Forty-Two
  46. Chapter Forty-Three
  47. Chapter Forty-Four
  48. Chapter Forty-Five
  49. Chapter Forty-Six
  50. Chapter Forty-Seven
  51. Chapter Forty-Eight
  52. Chapter Forty-Nine
  53. Chapter Fifty
  54. Chapter Fifty-One
  55. Chapter Fifty-Two
  56. Chapter Fifty-Three
  57. Chapter Fifty-Four
  58. Chapter Fifty-Five
  59. Chapter Fifty-Six
  60. Chapter Fifty-Seven
  61. Chapter Fifty-Eight
  62. Chapter Fifty-Nine
  63. Chapter Sixty
  64. Chapter Sixty-One
  65. Chapter Sixty-Two
  66. Acknowledgments

“It’s essential. To my existence. To my soul,” he said in a nonchalant fashion. I continued studying and tracing the letters. When I got to the last “E,” which was coincidentally nearing his southern regions, he pulled my hand away. “No, Bae.” He was gentle but firm. I wrapped his arms around me like warm covers. I hated myself for wanting him. But my desire to be with him exceeded the anger I felt toward him. I closed my eyes, committing this moment to memory. Touching his body for the last time, feeling his breath kiss my shoulder blades, and inhaling the smells that belonged to him and him alone. I carefully placed it in my brimming treasure chest with all the other memories I had of him in the hidden compartment of my heart.

An unexpected melancholy settled into my bones. I thought about my secrets. I thought about our secrets. I thought about the mantra that had become Griffin’s tattoo. Then something landed so gently I was unaware of what it truly meant. Every third letter of the permanent ink spelled my name: Bae.

Chapter Twenty-Nine

Chapter Twenty-Nine

When I returned from Martha’s Vineyard, my emotions were in shambles. I felt like some vital organ had just been removed. Elliott wasn’t feeling well, so I went back to my apartment. I kept replaying Griffin’s refusal. Maybe it was me that needed “the talk.” I was angry, but maybe it was all a misunderstanding. The anger would help me move on with Elliott. Luckily, Reggie and David were home, and so I posed it as just a generic question.

“How do you have ‘the talk’ with a guy?”

“If this is about you moving in with Elliott, I always thought it would come down to a ‘who,’ rather than of ‘when.’” I waited for her to continue. She added, “I would just ask him if this is leading somewhere.”

I looked at David, who looked increasingly uncomfortable at the subject matter. He nodded and said, “Try not to be too serious, Bailey. Just don’t ask him if it’s leading to marriage.” I managed to laugh.

Sometime after midnight, I worked up my nerve with a little liquid courage to call Griffin.

“Hey, it’s me.” Casual start.

“Um, are you okay, Bae?

“Yes. Are you still at the shop?”

“No. Can I call you in the morning? It’s just not a good time right now.” Before I had a chance to answer, he hung up. It took me a second to figure it out. Griffin was with Alex. They were together in Griffin’s bedroom that I decorated. Maybe his tattoo was some inside joke he had with her.