I nodded. “Not just that. About everything.”

“What do you mean?”

“I don’t know, this whole move. You should have seen me when I arrived. I was a mess, completely broke and miserable and didn’t know what in the hell I was going to do. I was literally terrified of ending up on the streets. But then I found a job after only a few days of looking, got this apartment, and for the most part have stayed on the straight and narrow like I promised myself I would. And if that wasn’t enough, on a cold winter night in December I happened to meet a delightful young lass I fell head over heels in love with. And, well, then I wrote this book. I don’t know. I guess I didn’t think I really had it in me, but I stayed focused and got shit done. It’s been a long time since I was that way. And now I have you, and Gene,” I said, feeling myself becoming emotional.

“Oh darling,” Carolyn said. She removed the book and sat in my lap and hugged me. “You’ve done great.”

I squeezed her back.

“Thanks,” I said. “I know I struggle with a lot of stupid shit, but things seem like they’re getting better, and maybe a little easier, too.”

“That’s great, Stratton.”

“And I feel so close to something great again, something I can be proud of.”

“You should be proud already. You’ve done so much.”

“Thank you,” I said.

“It’s true.”

“I mean it. I know I’m not the easiest person to deal with sometimes, and I know I can get kind of mean and a little jealous, but you’ve been great and it really means a lot to me.”

“Just a little jealous?”

“I know,” I admitted. “I’m trying to get better.”

She kissed my forehead. “I know, Stratton. I love you.”

“Sometimes I love you so much it hurts.”

“Just sometimes?”

“At all times. So much that I feel like I might die if I loved you any more.”

She pressed her forehead to mine. “I love you, too.”

twenty-two

1

FOR ONCE, ON THE following Monday, I arrived at work at the normal time; the book was done, and in order to come back to it with a fresh eye, I planned on taking a full month off, which meant there’d be no early mornings for a while. I grabbed my time card to clock in but it was my dummy card and something dropped inside me. I knew immediately what had happened. I had clocked in on Friday, gone to the coffeehouse and meant to return, but instead had called off and gone home.

I went to my desk and grabbed the real card. Sure enough, clocked in at 6:08 A.M., didn’t clock out.

“Shit,” I said.

“You talking to yourself?” Linda asked, entering her cube.