As the train pulls into the station at Coleraine and I prepare to take the final leg of my journey by taxi to Portstewart. The fear that has been ingrained in me for the last twenty-five years rises up in me. I have to focus on my breathing. I am here to do a job and this man, who will sit opposite me, is no threat to me at this time. I will be okay.

We’ve agreed to meet in a café, and not a very salubrious one at that. Neon cardboard stars with handwritten prices battle condensation on the inner windows to advertise the fare on offer. ‘Tea’s and Coffee’s’ are cheap and cheerful, and possess unnecessary apostrophes. I don’t imagine I’ll be able to get a green tea or a chai latte here – and I’m right.

I take a seat on a slightly wobbly walnut chair and order a pot of tea and a scone. Though the café itself is dank, dark and in need of some TLC, the waitress is warm and welcoming and calls me ‘pet’ at the end of every sentence.

‘Awful day out there, isn’t it, pet?’ she asks as she busies herself behind the counter, dropping three teabags into a small metal teapot, and setting a mug and a side plate on a tray.

‘It is. Cold, too. I don’t imagine you’ve many people about on days like this,’ I say, finding comfort in the distraction of small talk.

‘You’d be surprised. There’s some who love a walk along the promenade in all weathers. They come in here in their wet coats with their runny noses and heat themselves up again while they dry off. The smell of wet coat and wet dog can be fierce in here, pet,’ she laughs.

I smile a little.

‘What brings you here yourself?’ she asks.

‘Work,’ I tell her. ‘I’m meeting someone.’

She raises a not-so-perfectly drawn-on eyebrow. ‘Jesus, times must be tough if this is where work gets done these days, pet. Not that I’m trying to get rid of business, but there are better places to make a good first impression.’ She laughs, loud and brash.

‘I’ll be grand where I am,’ I say and open my laptop in front of me.

I don’t want to continue the conversation. I don’t need her to be too interested in why I’m here and what I’m doing. This has to be on the quiet.