She nods, wiping her face with her hands before hopping up. “She had the nicest things to say about you, too.” She stuffs her hands in her back pockets and gazes toward the hole in the ceiling. “My sister was always the good judge of character.”

I shift in my seat. Totsi had a sister? And she knows who I am?

When I visited her shop, she’d give me space and books and time. A place to just be. And in Ghizon, that’s exactly what I needed. A spot away from the stares and whispers. She’d just sit with me sometimes, lay out a few treats. She always had these lemonberry ones I loved. Anything with berries, really. At first I ain’t say shit to her but “thanks.” I’d just eat and read. But the more often I visited, the more we’d talk.

But now that I think about it, she never told me anything about her. She gave me the space I needed, and I filled it with me. Why is it so easy to do that? To take what we need before seeing anyone else? Reason 284,027,401 I’d make a shitty Queen. I never even asked her about her family, where she came from, how she happened upon opening her shop there. And now it’s too late to ask her anything.

“I-I’m sorry,” I say, gesturing for her name.

“Taavi.”

“Taavi.” I offer a hand to shake. “Nice to meet you. I’m sorry for your loss.”

“Thanks.” She moves to the door. “If you’ll just give me a minute to compose…”

“Take your time.” I can’t do shit like this anymore. I can’t have people on the periphery of my life but not take the time to really see them. Even if I am going through shit. I reach for my watch and find a couple of messages I missed from Jue.

Julius: So that’s a no, then.

Julius: Fam… wassup?

Me: I’m not alright, actually. But I’m trying to figure this shit out. Things good with you? I haven’t asked. Sorry.

It buzzes immediately.

Julius: Rue, it’s me. Talk to me.

The door creaks and Taavi reenters with bright eyes and some semblance of a smile. “Sorry about that. Yes, Loyalists have been a thorn in our side for some time now. We lost one of our own just the other day. They killed him for…”

“Desecrating a statue of the Chancellor. I know.”

She parts her lips and sits down on the bed.

“We made sure he had a proper burial.”

She presses a palm to her chest.

“Everything in the world is so messed up. I’m sorry you’re losing family, friends. We’re losing people too.”

She gives my hand a squeeze, her gaze far off.