“And you just got strong again, Jelani…. This is madness. We need time and planning and a leader. A council of leaders, reconnaissance. This should be done carefully. You said yourself we move as a unit, we move together!”

The last time we moved together, they were unprotected. I’m not letting that happen again. We will move together once their magic is restored.

“Yes, but I’m the only one who can do this. It takes magic to access magic.” He stands close to me, so close, his stare burns my skin.

“I do not like this.” His breath is warm on my forehead, and the ire in his eyes draws me in.

“I’m frustrated too.”

Silence.

It’s him who needs comfort now. I don’t want to muddy the water, get his hopes up…. But, he is scared, hurting. I reach for his hand and the lines in his face disappear. The boy he is underneath all the armor smiles back at me. He’s iron, ferocious, but like me, a storm within. I lace my fingers more tightly between his, careful to keep our bodies from touching. It’s all this fractured version of myself can offer him right now. I hope it’s enough.

His chest sinks at my touch, his chin falls. It’s such a little thing, but it says everything I’ve struggled to put into words. I do care about him. I squeeze. I do wish we could get back to where we were. But how? In this midst of all this? As broken as the world is right now? As broken as I am.

“Waiting only gives the Chancellor more time to root us out,” I say. “I don’t see a way around this.”

He holds my hand to his chest in silence. It’s hard, firm, strong, just like him. But his lips don’t move. From the few things I remember about the battlefield, fear like this didn’t sit on his expression. It didn’t either when we were locked in the cell and he thought it was the end. And even when we were running for our lives escaping prison, his jaw was not set this way. I’ve only seen Jhamal truly scared once, when he laced my skin back together. When he thought I might die.

“I am going to find a way to raise the Ancestors from the dead,” I say, trying to assure him. “They will fix this for us.”

He meets my gaze, his wide with shock. But, he nods, and just like that he’s miles away.

I make him press his forehead to mine. “Thanks for having my back.”

“You are my Queen. I will always be in your corner.” He reaches to kiss my hand. And though I shouldn’t, I let him.

CHAPTER ELEVEN