“Well, I heart this robe and I’m going to wear it forevs, and it’s nuts your dead grandparents weren’t into your dad. I mean, he’s why your brother is like crazy fucking hot. I mean everyone knows if you mix in a little Asian, you’ll get beautiful kids. Look at you! I’d kill for your skin. Tell me the truth, when was the last time you shaved your legs, even?” Lolly ran her hand across Anna’s smooth and hairless shin. Which is when Anna realized that Lolly had entirely missed the main point of her story, which was that time heals all wounds. Lolly was sweet, but she wasn’t the brightest flame in the candelabra.

Anna lay down on her back and looked at the ceiling. Above her parents’ bed was a new Baccarat crystal chandelier that was dazzling when on but seemed foreboding when off. It was currently off. “Oh my god, I’m so full of pie I could burst,” Anna groaned, closing her eyes to it. The banana cream pie that Steven had left outside the door an hour ago was now half gone.

Lolly rolled on her back, too, and then let out a very long and deep sigh. “I don’t know how I can stay with him, Anna. I’m just so humiliated.” Anna didn’t have to look over at her brother’s girlfriend to know she was crying again. This was how the entire night had gone: one moment they were laughing and telling each other stories, the next moment Lolly was crying and lamenting that her life was ruined. Anna had no problem with girls who cried, because she herself had cried over a dog she had never met earlier that evening. So, she was in no way cry-shaming Lolly, but Anna did find herself surprised by the sheer number of tears she produced. Anna wondered how her friend could have any tears left. The waterworks strengthened Anna’s resolution that something could be done about this terrible predicament. Though what the perfect solution was to be, Anna still had no idea.

Lolly now rolled onto her stomach. “I mean, he pretty much ruined Hermès for me. Like forevs. How can I ever see their ‘H’ again without remembering what happened to me there?”

Anna had always been told she had a gift when it came to animals, having soothed many a stubborn horse in her day. She assumed the key was that she was a very patient person by nature, so her grand plan in dealing with Lolly was to keep the night going for as long as it took. Eventually Lolly would grow tired and decide what she was going to do one way or another.