And then I see Jack in the waiting room. He doesn’t notice me at first, and I think about ducking into an open room, but why should I? He takes off his hat, and his hair is a disaster. He’s not wearing his dirty bathrobe anymore, so that’s an improvement, but he looks like he hasn’t showered. At least he’s in the counseling center, though. Maybe he’s finally working on his issues. A little twinge of hope warms my chest, but it’s dangerous because I can’t control how Jack processes his feelings, so I have to let that go.

He looks up and catches my gaze.

For a second, we’re connecting again, and I want him to be that person I thought he was. I remember what Dr. Sweatervest said, and I think I need to be the one to walk away this time. I have to be strong for myself. It starts here, now, with Jack because I can control that, even if it means I may never have closure with him. Leila and Dad are going to prove much harder, but I’ll figure that out when the time is right.

The weight of walking away from Jack without a word nearly crushes me.

But I do it.

And when I get back to my dorm, I sit down and pour every ounce of anger I’m feeling into an email to Dad. Everything I said to Dr. Sweatervest finds its way into a draft, and it feels a lot like putting aloe on a sunburn. It doesn’t make it go away, but it lessens the sting. I stare at the carefully worded monsters until my eyes cross and I fall asleep.

Chapter 23

23

Classes are intense, but none as much as the seminar.

We’re in the final stages of rendering our shorts. Basically, we’re bringing this shit to life, pulling it all together, making sure what we’re transitioning from hand to computer matches our visions, storyboards, and color boards. The hardest part is generating the look, which is based on Van Gogh’s Starry Night. It’s painterly, heavy on the brushstrokes, and it’s been a bit of a battle between making the landscape look abstract and dreamy while being deliberate in grounding the Prince, the Knight, and the Witch in a more Disney style of character animation.

It’s fucking hard—and I barely sleep—but it’s been helping me cope with everything Dr. Sweatervest said. I’m trying my best to channel my energy into the things I can control. Getting lost in the world I’m creating has been the best medicine, even if staring at the Prince all day reminds me of Jack. I try to separate the two, but meeting him inspired the story, and Chloe and Sofía are quick to point out that art is pain, and pain is art. Or something.