“I know that! The other day, I was playing with the children, and we were dancing around the apartment, and I reached for one of my old playlists of rock songs. I put it on really loud and danced wildly with the kids. I didn’t even think about pulling down the shades or what the neighbors would think, not until they came banging down my door! For the first time since I became religious, I reached for my old life. You understand? I’m so scared.”

Shoshana leaned forward, taking both Leah’s hands in hers and holding them. “I wish I had some words of wisdom for you, my friend. But I don’t. I understand you only too well. But I can’t tell you what to do. Yaakov is very frum, and he is uncompromising when it comes to halacha. I really don’t know what will happen if you are honest with him. But this much I do know: if you’re not, if you don’t sit down and talk to him, tell him the truth about how you feel, your marriage is over.”

Leah returned home that night feeling drained, almost shaking with despair. But determined, too. Yes, Shoshana was right. She must talk to Yaakov. Nothing could be as bad as this avoidance, which amounted to a life built on lies. Their life together had to be based on truth. She told this to herself over and over again, trying to convince herself to crack open the Pandora’s box and let loose those very monsters that could gobble up her new life and spit it out.

Yaakov was still out learning with Meir, she saw. The rest of the house was silent. She knocked on Shaindele’s door.

“Come in,” the girl called, not bothering to get up.

“Hi. Everything all right?”

Shaindele swept her open palm in an arc as if to say, Voilà, see for yourself!

“Did they give you a hard time, Shaindele?”

“Well, they asked for you, and Chasya was a little weepy, wanting to know when you’d be home. But she was okay after dinner and a bath.”

“Thanks so much for your help. I’m really sorry I had to bother you.”

Shaindele got off her bed and walked toward her. “No, I’m sorry. I don’t know why I gave you such a hard time. You can ask me to babysit. I don’t help you as much as I should.”

Leah was touched and relieved, glad that the bad old days when she and her oldest stepdaughter were adversaries weren’t coming back for a sequel. Under all that bravado and occasional nastiness, she was really a sweet kid. Just a typical teenager.

“So are you going to tell me the truth about what you’re doing out so late every night?”

Shaindele blushed, shaking her head.