She’d gone home devastated at the insult. But perhaps the woman had been right. She wasn’t, after all, a virgin, not technically. But the men she had known, the life she had lived as an American woman in the new millennium, bore no resemblance to the life she had now embarked upon among the ultra-Orthodox Jews of Boro Park. In that sense, she was like any other virgin bride going into the unknown, unsure of what she was allowed to do, to feel; unsure of what her new husband would permit himself to do in bed. What kind of behavior would he expect from her? Could she be herself, adventurous and unrestrained? Or would that offend his piety, his modesty? Would it, she thought with a heavy, frightened heart, disgust him, a man who had only ever known one woman—a timorous, eighteen-year-old virgin who had no doubt worn an ankle-length, long-sleeved nightgown to bed and shrunk from his touch?

Yaakov stood motionless, studying her. What happens now? he thought, a bit terrified. What should I do? What is she used to men doing?

As a man who had been brought up with the idea that passion between a man and a woman was a dangerous thing that must always be contained and fought against outside the very clear parameters of marriage, he was used to closing down his feelings and burying them. There was no such thing as a private life in the haredi world. The society had an opinion and a rule about everything. Some liked to put a positive spin on this, lauding the interference of the community that butts in, succors, directs, lauds, excoriates, and teaches every one of its members concerning every situation they might possibly encounter in life, demanding they always choose the accepted norm. Sex was no exception. What, after all, was private about marital relations? It, no less than every other part of their lives, required complete submission to the unwavering strictures of their community no less than to the actual God-given rules outlined in the Torah, Talmud, and book of Jewish law. Without that, their little enclave—huddling together like emperor penguins against the fury of soul-chilling blasts from the dangerous, immoral, and alien modern world—would be weakened. Thus, no member could be allowed to defect and chart a new path in any area, not only for the good of the community but also for their own sake, lest they be lost to the howling furies of an inimical culture waiting to pick them off and destroy them one by one if they ever dared venture out on their own.