The ticking of her biological clock added another layer of resentment toward the forced separations from her husband. Quite apart from her sexual longing, for a woman desperate for a pregnancy, it was cruelly maddening! It was breaking her apart; even bringing her, she worried, to the edge of her sanity.

She thought of her mother sneaking out of her bedroom window in Flatbush to a waiting van filled with grungy rock musicians headed for San Francisco. For the first time in her life—to her horror and shame—she felt a bit of envy. To be free of rules! To be true, only to yourself, and your own desires and needs with no one judging you, proscribing your life in ways that could neither be endured nor challenged!

Impulsively, she took out her phone and dialed her mom. Since the wedding, they’d spoken sporadically a few times a month. She, too, was going through hard times. Her live-in boyfriend of seven years had recently absconded back to Punjab, where his Sikh parents, unbeknownst to her, had arranged a marriage with a young Sikh bride. As she’d explained it to Leah, his half-assed, long-distance apology had been: “It’s not too late for me to have children,” no doubt quoting his doting parents.

Never mind that he already had a child, Balvindra, whom he never bothered to visit. When she pointed that out to him, his inadequate response had been: “I screwed up that relationship. She calls her stepfather ‘Dad.’ I want other children, kids who will know me.”

Cheryl, Leah’s mom, couldn’t pretend she didn’t understand. Still, it was another huge disappointment in a life filled with them. And if she was honest about it, the most galling part was financial. His salary combined with the profits from her hairdressing salon had allowed her, for the first and only time in her life, not to worry about money. But talking to her daughter, Cheryl Howard was careful to shrug that part off.

“It’s not the money. I’ve always supported myself. And there are plenty more where he came from,” she’d asserted bravely. “Besides, he was getting religious again, growing his hair. He even wore his turban to your wedding, remember? Honestly, this was bound to happen sooner or later. Me and a religious fanatic? Can you just see it?”

But Leah wasn’t buying the cheerful insouciance. While her own feelings about Ravi had always been mixed, she knew her mother had loved him deeply. As for money, while she knew her mother had always been careful financially from long habit, she also knew that as proprietor and main employee of her own small business, she didn’t have much of a cushion if something went wrong. Leah couldn’t help worrying.