The old man shook his head. “Those were wonderful years, your years in yeshiva, in kollel. We convince our young men to give up everything, to learn. To become like the caretakers of the Holy Temple, the tribe of Levi, who were supported by the rest of the tribes to do their holy work. But each man also has his private destiny. Didn’t Yaakov our forefather work from sunup to sundown tending the flocks of Laban, a dishonest employer who changed his salary dozens of times? God could have given him gold and jewels, but instead He let him succeed at supporting himself through honest work. Moses, too, worked hard tending the sheep of his father-in-law. This was the task that fell to him, his destiny. Only when God intervened and changed his destiny did he do something else. Was Moses the shepherd less worthy than Moses the prophet? Both tasks were given to him by the same God, and he served his Creator in both.”

Yaakov was still not convinced. “But is it right for me to abandon the role I always thought was mine?” he cried, his heart aching.

“You know, the great Rav Avigdor Miller once said, ‘To be in kollel when it’s possible to be in kollel is a beautiful ideal. But when it’s not possible, it becomes a sin.’”

Yaakov looked up, startled.

“You are struggling, Yaakov, I can see that. As do we all. Every creature who lives must struggle. Did you ever watch an ant?”

Yaakov thought back to the miserable day he had decided to go to Lakewood and become a beggar. Forlorn, he had realized that he couldn’t even eat the lunch that had been packed for him because there was no water to ritually wash his hands. Instead, he had crumbled the bread and cast it on the sidewalk, watching a colony of ants bear it away with single-minded strength and courage. That was the pivotal moment he shamefully realized that he had no other choice but to leave the kollel and go out to work.

“But my life has so many challenges—my marriage, working, bringing up my children—I don’t know if I can do it all. I feel so lost outside the yeshiva. So incompetent.”

Rabbi Alter placed a fatherly arm around Yaakov’s broad shoulders. “You must have faith that this is the situation into which a loving God has placed you. He would not have given you these challenges if He did not believe you could overcome them. Believe in God, Yaakov. Believe in yourself. As it is written: The righteous man shall live by his faith. It is just ego that prompts you to want the glory of being the next Rabbi Akiva. Instead, let your goal in life become being a better Yaakov Lehman—a better husband, a better father, a better accountant.”