“No, because I knew how to protect myself. But I hated living in such an unsafe place. I wanted to build my real home among people who respected women. Many—most—of the men I knew were like your Duvie. Sure they wanted to be with me, but only to get whatever pleasure they could without giving me any real commitment in return to be together, to build a family. I felt used. So I came here and met your tateh, who loves me and respects me. And that is what you should want for yourself, child.”

“Then why did Mameh kill herself?” she blurted out. “Did she hate being a mother and wife so much? And how do I know the same thing won’t happen to me?”

“Come here.” Leah reached out for her, taking her into her arms. The girl moved closer, laying her head on Leah’s shoulder, wiping hot tears from her eyes.

“I’m so afraid there is something wrong with me, Leah, something sick inside me like there was in Mameh. What if it comes out when I start having babies? What if I do the same thing to my children she did to us?”

So that was it, the bedrock of this young girl’s most terrible fears, the source of her rebellion and rootlessness. Leah hugged her. Her bones felt like those of some fallen bird, so young, so fragile! How had she not understood how young Shaindele really was? How had she had no inkling of what she must be going through?

The idea that she now had the responsibility of helping this truly troubled girl was horrifying. What do I know? What can I say? But there was no choice. “Shaindele, you can’t think like that! No one knows what tomorrow will bring us. There are accidents, and people die or get crippled in all kinds of strange and sudden ways we never even imagine. Does that mean we should never leave the house? There are children whose parents abused them. Does that mean that they won’t have any choice in life and will wind up abusing their own children? The most precious thing every human being has in this life is the freedom to choose how to live. But we can’t use that gift if we are cowards, afraid to get out of bed in the morning. I always say, ‘Choose wisely, then do it! Whatever is going to happen is going to happen. But at least, I’ll choose my life, and not be paralyzed with fear.’ Does that make sense?”

“I don’t know.”