Later, I check my Signal, and there they all are, my fellow college scammies, swapping messages, like a Greek chorus.

ALC: My sister got a target letter

Slyse: I got one too

TheIgster: Yeah, turns out they are OUT FOR BLOOD. No one is off limits

PhinnyB: We’re all so fucked. My parents are taking a second mortgage on the house to pay legal fees

PrettyPen: My little sister was like, “Are we going to be poor now?” And my parents laughed. First time I heard them laugh since this all happened, so at least I think we’re good on that front

PhinnyB: Shut up Penny. You and your Instagram and YouTube are the reason why the whole world hates us

PrettyPen: WTF did I do? What’s your problem?

PhinnyB: All those ridiculous lipstick tutorials and whining into the camera. “College is a state of mind.” You have no idea what the real world is like

PrettyPen: Give me a break. People need to chill

PhinnyB: Do you even get it?

TheIgster: People hate us. HATE

As usual, I can’t decide if I want to weigh in. Isla would tell me to listen to my lawyer. To shut the hell up. But I don’t feel like shutting up. I haven’t spoken to anyone who was not my family or being paid for their legal services in two weeks.

Me: They should hate us. If I wasn’t me, I’d hate me

PrettyPen: That’s ridiculous

Me: You know what? I do hate me. We are disgusting

PrettyPen: Speak for yourself bitch

Me: No seriously. I’m not saying I knew anything, but it doesn’t matter does it? What we knew? We were all playing our parts in this game. We thought we deserved everything and it didn’t matter who we hurt to get it

PrettyPen: I didn’t hurt anyone!

TheIgster: TBH, I didn’t deserve Yale. I knew I wasn’t smart enough to go there

PhinnyB: I wanted SCC more than anything else in the whole world. And I loved every second until they kicked my ass out

TheIgster: Did you hear about that black lady from Connecticut who went to jail for five years because she pretended to live in a better school district?

PhinnyB: That’s messed up

PrettyPen: We have better lawyers. Also, I hate to say it, but it helps that we’re all white

Me: That’s exactly my point. Why should she go to jail while we don’t?

PrettyPen: Oh now you’re arguing we should all go to jail? Nice Chloe. You’re garbage

TheIgster: Maybe no one should go to jail for trying to help their kids

ALC: We definitely over-incarcerate in this country, especially people of color

Slyse: My parents weren’t trying to help me. I wanted to go to art school. They wanted me to go to Princeton. They did this for their bragging rights