BooksBarbecue
Back Admission
Chapters (56)
  1. Cover
  2. Also by Julie Buxbaum
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  44. CHAPTER FORTY
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  52. EPILOGUE
  53. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  54. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  55. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  56. What’s next onyour reading list?

I want to ask about the Littles and where they’re going to school. I want to ask if she’s heard from Harvard or Yale yet. But I keep putting my foot in it lately, so I think it’s better to stay quiet. I guess this is what happens as you start your goodbyes—little chasms open up to prepare you for letting go.

Me: Done. Will you come over and get ready with me here before prom? We can raid my mom’s accessories

Shola: Duh

—

Before bed, I click over to Sephora. Order a teal eye shadow palette for prom. Since I still have some time, I decide not to pay extra for overnight shipping.

I paint my nails, alternating cardinal and gold.

I think about Levi’s cheesy sign: Hey SCC girl will you go to prom with this Harvard guy?

That’s me, I think. SCC girl.

I snuggle up in my sweatshirt, set my alarm for 6:15 a.m., and go to sleep.

I let go of the pit in my stomach, the slightest ache of doubt, the shame I can’t quite shake.

Tomorrow will be a new day. A better one. A clean one.

I will forget.

SCC girl.

Here I come.

—

The next morning, before the doorbell rings, I don’t hear the footsteps, or the line of men saying “On the count of three.” As I walk to the front hallway, I think of teal eyeshadow, of Levi’s handmade sign, of the bright, bright future unfolding before me like a promise or a vow. I smile quietly to myself, hand on the knob.

I open the front door.

CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE

Now

“Can an entire family hit rock bottom? Asking for a friend. Who is me,” my mom says. She sits at the kitchen table and eats cookie dough ice cream straight out of the gallon container. She’s gained weight, and the padding suits her. Her edges seem less jagged, her face softer. She looks like what my mom might look like if she were a regular person, not an actress. Still beautiful, but more human somehow. What I’d imagine her sister might look like if she had one.

“The good thing about bottom is that the only place to go is up,” my dad says, and lifts his cup of coffee and clinks with her ice cream. He looks hollowed out, his eyes watery above blue bags, his face slipped off his jawline. Last night, after Hudson was sprung from the ER, my dad took him to his apartment and packed his bags, then drove him back to rehab. Apparently, he even followed him into the bathroom and watched him pee; he was scared that Hudson might climb out the window.