BooksBarbecue
Back Admission
Chapters (56)
  1. Cover
  2. Also by Julie Buxbaum
  3. Dedication
  4. Epigraph
  5. CHAPTER ONE
  6. CHAPTER TWO
  7. CHAPTER THREE
  8. CHAPTER FOUR
  9. CHAPTER FIVE
  10. CHAPTER SIX
  11. CHAPTER SEVEN
  12. CHAPTER EIGHT
  13. CHAPTER NINE
  14. CHAPTER TEN
  15. CHAPTER ELEVEN
  16. CHAPTER TWELVE
  17. CHAPTER THIRTEEN
  18. CHAPTER FOURTEEN
  19. CHAPTER FIFTEEN
  20. CHAPTER SIXTEEN
  21. CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
  22. CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
  23. CHAPTER NINETEEN
  24. CHAPTER TWENTY
  25. CHAPTER TWENTY-ONE
  26. CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO
  27. CHAPTER TWENTY-THREE
  28. CHAPTER TWENTY-FOUR
  29. CHAPTER TWENTY-FIVE
  30. CHAPTER TWENTY-SIX
  31. CHAPTER TWENTY-SEVEN
  32. CHAPTER TWENTY-EIGHT
  33. CHAPTER TWENTY-NINE
  34. CHAPTER THIRTY
  35. CHAPTER THIRTY-ONE
  36. CHAPTER THIRTY-TWO
  37. CHAPTER THIRTY-THREE
  38. CHAPTER THIRTY-FOUR
  39. CHAPTER THIRTY-FIVE
  40. CHAPTER THIRTY-SIX
  41. CHAPTER THIRTY-SEVEN
  42. CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT
  43. CHAPTER THIRTY-NINE
  44. CHAPTER FORTY
  45. CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
  46. CHAPTER FORTY-TWO
  47. CHAPTER FORTY-THREE
  48. CHAPTER FORTY-FOUR
  49. CHAPTER FORTY-FIVE
  50. CHAPTER FORTY-SIX
  51. CHAPTER FORTY-SEVEN
  52. EPILOGUE
  53. AUTHOR’S NOTE
  54. ACKNOWLEDGMENTS
  55. ABOUT THE AUTHOR
  56. What’s next onyour reading list?

“Well, it’s the US attorney’s office for Massachusetts, not the cops. But yes. They think you knew,” he says, pausing to let this sink in. “They must have at least some evidence to back this up.”

“I want to tell you what happened.” I mentally replay the last eight months, as if fast-forwarding the video, and my mind catches. I hover above myself, think about the word evidence. What could make them think I knew? What did I know?

“Nope.” He holds up his hands, like I’m about to assault him with my words. “I know it seems helpful to unburden yourself to me, but it isn’t. There are restrictions once I know things, and I don’t want to know things. Capisce?”

“No.”

“Capisce means understand in Italian. Or maybe it’s in the Mafia? I actually don’t know.” Kenny takes out his phone, presses a button. “Siri, what does capisce mean?” He looks at the screen, turns it toward me. “She did a Google search for cat piss.”

“Kenny,” I say.

“Right, sorry. I love that you can immediately ask any question you have in the whole world to a device that fits in the palm of your hand. And then you know the answer. Just like that.” He snaps his fingers, like the world is so easy and simple, black and white.

“Really? Then ask Siri: Is Chloe Berringer going to jail?” I’m only half joking. I feel borderline hysterical. My brain sloshes around in my skull, useless, shriveling. “Seriously, though. Am I going to jail?”

I want to tell Kenny my story, not as a confession or even as a means to absolution. I want to better understand, to turn this into something that makes sense. I want someone to write me a field guide so I can understand the extent of my own culpability.

What evidence?

No, a story is for bedtimes and sitcoms and Hallmark movies. Not for potential felons. A story won’t protect me. I need to grow up.

“You’re going to be okay, Chloe,” Kenny says, and I take him at his word, as if his words mean something. I will be okay.

Only hours later, when I’m wide awake at three a.m., do I realize he never answered my question.

And so, alone in the dark, I ask Siri: Is Chloe Berringer going to jail? but she doesn’t answer. Apparently I need to unlock my iPhone for that.

CHAPTER TWENTY-TWO

Then