“Thank you. Okay, to sum up this meeting, your mom is the best, A-list all the way. You are also the best. You worked so hard to get your SATs up. This essay, however, is not the best. Now get the hell out of my office. I need to pump.”

—

When I check my email later in the day, I see Dr. Wilson’s assistant’s name pop up in my inbox.

To: Joy Fields, Richard Berringer

Cc: Chloe Berringer

From: [email protected]

Subject: North Hollywood Testing Center

Dr. W says got your message but seriously do not stress about essay

My mother must have immediately called Dr. Wilson in a panic when I texted her after my meeting with Mrs. Oh: Mrs. O says essay sucks. Need to rewrite even for safeties.

As usual, my mom is incapable of digesting anything calmly. This is not an emergency. I spent two hours working on this draft. It won’t kill me to push a little harder.

I reply to the message—I’m not stressed, happy to revise—and before I hit send, I notice that there’s a trail of emails below between my parents and Dr. Wilson and his assistant. Apparently, this crew likes to communicate without cc’ing me.

To: Joy Fields, Richard Berringer

From: Dr. Wilson

Cc: [email protected]

Subject: North Hollywood Testing Center

Woot woot

Woot woot? Seriously? I guess I’m not missing much. The email is dated the day after I took the SAT. I scroll down farther, to the previous email from my mother, same date.

From: Joy Fields

To: Dr. Wilson

Cc: Richard Berringer, Wilson-assist

Subject: North Hollywood Testing Center

So happy! All went smoothly. Thanks for everything.

I can’t imagine what my mom had to be so thrilled about the day after the SAT? It wasn’t like I left the test feeling optimistic. Maybe she was convinced the accommodation had worked its magic? Or maybe they worried that someone would question whether I was actually ADHD at the exam? That doesn’t make sense. Dr. Wilson took care of the paperwork, but I got the clearance from the SAT board directly. I saw the letter with my own eyes. It was 100 percent official, 100 percent legit.

From: Dr. Wilson

To: Joy Fields

Cc: Richard Berringer, Wilson-assist

Subject: North Hollywood Testing Center

It’s a go

This last one was dated three days before the exam. I read through the emails again, this time from bottom to top. I feel a little queasy but can’t put my finger on why. Like when you walk into the gym locker room and sense, by the sudden awkward quiet, that the girls were talking about you but then the moment shifts and you tell yourself you’re being paranoid.

What’s “a go”?

My phone buzzes and I click away from email and over to my text messages.