ALC: I can’t imagine my mom going to jail. She’s vegan and only wears organic fabrics and has, like, a zillion allergies. Do they accommodate that stuff in jail? I mean she needs a special pillow at hotels or her eyes get puffy

I decide to jump in. I’ll stay away from the topics Kenny warned me not to talk about. No confessions. No details about what happened last fall. But maybe this can help me, a support group of sorts, the opportunity to find safety in numbers. They are the only people in the world who understand what I’m going through, how it feels.

Yesterday, I sent Shola a text from my new phone.

Only five words: I’m scared. I miss you. Chlo

She hasn’t written back.

I try to shake off that sickening hum of terror, the unfolding of my dirty crevices of guilt, the words that play on repeat in my brain: Well, you got what you deserved.

Me: NO ONE is going to jail

PhinnyB: Welcome Missy’s kid! I feel like you might have this worst of all

Me: Umm, thanks?

PhinnyB: I meant the paparazzi. Every five minutes I get a news alert about your mom. By the way, it took mega-balls to wear that SCC shirt when she was arrested. Nice one

Me: An accident

ALC: Your parents didn’t sit you down the night before?

Me: ?

ALC: Apparently the feds gave advanced warning or something to everyone. I swear when my parents told me, it was like learning there was no Santa Claus. They were like—it’s about to get real, buckle up. And I was like, Mom, stop talking like your Twitter feed

Well, at least one thing is explained. Why my mother seemed to be expecting eight FBI agents at our door that morning, though clearly she assumed they’d be fashionably late. My fear, a sticky thing, a constant sheen on my skin, turns rancid and transforms into a burgeoning rage. I feel the prickle of sweat at all my pressure points.

How come my parents didn’t warn me? Is it that they didn’t trust me? Or they assumed I was too brainless to understand?

PrettyPen: I didn’t even want to go to college. My parents made me apply

TheIgster: You really think no one is going to jail?

PhinnyB: I think they’re all going. Every last one of them. But only the adults

ALC: Me too

TheIgster: YOU are an adult, Phin

PhinnyB: Nah man, like a real adult. We were kids following along with our parents. We had no choice. No one wants to see us go to jail

TheIgster: Hope you’re right

PhinnyB: I hate to say it but I think people want to see Missy in stripes tho

Me: I’m out

PhinnyB: Wait, come back. Just being honest. Sorry

Me: I get enough crap already. I don’t need it here