“Oh crap. We’re not surfing, are we?” I ask. I spent an hour blow-drying my hair. Getting it wet was not an option I’d considered.

“Nope. Was curious. I don’t surf and it always feels like it hurts my Cali cred. But I’m scared of sharks.”

“Seriously?”

“Dead serious. They eat people’s limbs. I don’t understand how anyone could not be afraid of sharks,” Levi says.

If he had asked me to guess, I would have said Levi was afraid of nothing. Levi seems deliberate, not anxious, like reading the fine print keeps him from experiencing fear. He does not need to expand the definitions of words so that they one day include him.

“Well, they’re not what I’m most afraid of, but I’d say sharks are in my top ten.” He exits onto the PCH. We’re headed to Malibu and I feel myself relax, maybe because I can picture our destination, the white sand and the setting sun, a postcard place where only good things can happen. Our conversation is flowing. It seems silly that I was ever worried. I’ve never had any trouble talking to Levi. The trouble has always been my feelings while talking to him.

“What’re the other nine?”

“You really want me to list my biggest fears?” Levi asks, and a smile spreads across his face, a withholding, a reminder that with Levi the ratio of what he thinks and what he says out loud is way lower—or is it higher?—than mine. But then, I say everything I think. Shola calls me FDB, Full Disclosure Berringer, for a reason. I think it’s because I’m naturally lazy—it takes work to filter your thoughts before you say them aloud.

“I’ll do it if you do it.”

“Well, sharks, obviously. So, nine, small spaces. I’m claustrophobic, for real. Eight, that spinning ride at Magic Mountain where you stick to the walls, which is probably related to number nine. Seven, dying,” he says.

“Only number seven? I feel like that’s most people’s number one.”

“Definitely seven. The inevitability, and some near misses we won’t get into, somehow make it less scary.”

“You’ve put a lot of thought into this,” I say. I know I won’t be able to rattle off my own fears as easily when it’s my turn.