“Sorry, Shol,” I say, but I don’t look at her, because my eyes are still closed. If Shola didn’t get in, obviously I didn’t either. I’m tempted to click over to Instagram and never look. Turn the SCC admissions page into Schrödinger’s cat, which is one thing I actually remember from physics last year. Basically, the idea is if you put a cat in a box and close it, before you open it again, the cat is both alive and dead simultaneously. If you don’t know which is true, then both are true. I want to keep SCC like that—dead and alive.

But I am not a coward. I can do this. I’ll go to Arizona and live happily ever after in the dry desert heat. I’ll buy a large sun hat and new Tom Ford sunglasses and steal my mom’s Mallorca sandals. I’ll join a sorority and sip margaritas by a pool.

I open my eyes, stare at the screen. Congratulations! On behalf of the Southern California College, it is with great pleasure that we offer you a place…

Wait, what?

I read it again.

“I got in,” I say, turning to Shola. She looks at me, stunned, and then, without missing a beat, pastes a giant smile on her face. I wonder if she’s ever had to do that for me before, swallow her own envy, but I’m too overcome to dwell on the question.

“Oh my God, I got in.” I stand up, throw my arms in the air in triumph.

“I’m so happy for you,” Shola says. This is why she’s my best friend. Because even at this moment, when the inexplicable forces of the universe somehow let me into SCC and not her, a clear violation of the world order and any metric of fairness, she’s still gracious in defeat. She pulls me in for a giant hug. I’m crying, happy tears and a few sad ones too. I’m not going to lie—during weak moments, I fantasized about both of us getting in, Shola with a full ride, and the two of us rooming together. Me still getting to see Cesar a few times a week.

Very little actually changing.

“I don’t understand. I mean, you should have gotten in too.” She shakes her head, like it doesn’t matter, though of course it does. I know she has mixed feelings about going to school in LA, and maybe even mixed feelings about going to school with me, but I also know a full scholarship would have really helped her family. Her mom has hinted more than once that it would be good to have her nearby to help out with the Littles. “I’m sorry.”