After a couple of minutes of awkwardly hanging out in the small space that smells like beer and pee, footsteps come down the stairs. I smile at her, and she smiles at me. “Is it vain or was that song about me?”

She laughs. “That was for you.”

“I never had a girl write a song about me.”

“August, you nearly begged for it.”

“I’m here in this basement to tell you that—I’m here. Not some act. Just me.”

“How can I be sure?” she asks.

“Can we go for coffee and I’ll tell you everything?”

She smiles and nods. “I like you, but I’m scared.”

“I like you,” I say.

“But you’re scared, too?” she asks.

I take a step closer to her. “A little. You see the real me, and I’m worried it’s not enough.”

“It’s more than enough.”

She puts her arms around me, and we kiss.

Twenty-Five

Twenty-Five

Tuesday, October 29

5:45 P.M.

I exit the Starbucks with the largest coffee possible and head to SPA. A familiar walk—I could do it with my eyes shut—but tonight, I’m on my way to make history. That’s dramatic, but it will be special. A warm, nervous excitement builds in my chest as I think about opening night of my first professional show. Don’t know why I even got the coffee—I’m wired for all the obvious reasons.

I didn’t go to school today. Aunt Lil said it was a “mental health day” and called SPA with an excuse. I wouldn’t have been able to concentrate anyway and didn’t want to talk to everyone about the show. I needed time to rest and get my mind right. I spent the day napping, watching TV, and trying not to freak out.

This afternoon, in between naps, I took a selfie and posted it with a lengthy caption about the truth about my parents, the conversion therapy, and how important Conversion will be for the LGBTQ community. I’m ready to be more honest about my life in hopes that someone else will connect with my story and feel less alone. Ajax isn’t the dream role. But he’s just one story—like I am one story—and I could bring awareness to trans issues. I want to make a difference, and that starts with playing Ajax the best I can. The post got a bunch of likes and new follows, but I’m going to pay less attention to that stuff.

Betty told me there will be reviewers at the show tonight. Usually there are preview performances with no press, which allows for the smoothing of small bumps of any new show, but Conversion is only running at SPA for two weeks and the buzz needs to build fast to make the Broadway transfer happen.