“Of course they did, it’s their job. But you were with me all evening. We went out for a drive and weren’t even here. Kate slipped and fell, Ash. It was an accident.”

“Keenan doesn’t think so.”

“Of course not. He’s hated you from day one. Kate’s accident was just an excuse to reignite his obsession with blaming you for everything, including Celine’s disappearance. But we all know you had nothing to do with it. Any of it.”

“Then why did I leave town?” Ash fired back, his tone and temper almost matching mine.

“Don’t you think I’ve asked myself the same thing? Don’t you think I’ve wondered every single day? And now that you know about Celine and Kate, I’m terrified you’ll leave again.”

“Maya—”

“I lost you once. I can’t go through it again. I won’t. First my dad, then Mom, and Brad. We thought that was it. We promised each other we’d stick together, you and me, because it’s all we had, but you left. You abandoned me. I came home to a goddamn note on the kitchen table and the cops wouldn’t even let me declare you as a missing person because you chose to leave.” Unable to stop myself I grabbed the saltshaker from the table and threw it at the wall, where it punched a half-moon-shaped dent before skidding across the floor, leaving a thin white trail behind. “You hurt me, Ash. You have no idea how much.”

“I’ve no idea about anything,” Ash shouted back, and I realized I’d pushed him too far, I’d let my frustrations out and this was the result. Anger begets anger. How could I have been so stupid?

“For God’s sake, Maya,” Ash continued, his voice rising further still. “People think I hurt those women? I can’t deal with this. I don’t know how to...” He looked at me for a moment, his chest heaving, and before he said anything else, he stormed past me and out of the kitchen.

I flinched as I heard the front door slam shut behind him and, heart racing, I reached for my bag, for the clonazepam in the side pocket that I hadn’t needed for months. I dropped what was supposed to be my last pill ever into my palm before rolling it between my thumb and index finger. If I swallowed it my anxiety levels would immediately wane, but the consequence was my brain would feel fuzzy as cotton wool for the rest of the day. I stared at the medicine, cocking my head to one side, thinking things through before biting off half the pill and swallowing it dry.

Sometimes we all needed a little bit of help.

12

ASH