“There must be something else you can do, surely?” I said. “Can’t you give me anything? Can you do something?”

“There’s no magic pill, unfortunately,” Dr. Soares said. “It’s excellent you’re staying with Maya in your old home. Familiar people and surroundings tend to help, as does trying to relax, which sounds ridiculous, I know. Sometimes smell or touch can be powerful triggers.”

“Basically, it’s a waiting game,” Maya said.

“I’ll send my notes to Dr. Adler,” Dr. Soares said. “I recommend you see him in a week. If anything changes before then, call him immediately, and if you have violent headaches, nausea or blurred vision, dial 911 without delay. It could be serious.”

Maya had more questions about what may or may not spark memories, but I zoned out when she wanted to go over how confabulation worked a third time. While I hadn’t expected anyone to produce a “magic pill,” as Dr. Soares had called it, I’d expected...more. A better approach than wait and see. I wanted them to fix this, now, or give me the tools to fix myself.

“I’m so glad they figured out you’re not sick,” Maya said as we walked back to the car. “Although it bugs me they won’t commit to a diagnosis, it’s pretty obvious from what I read what’s going on. I mean, I understand they’re not miracle workers, but still...” She put her hand on my shoulder and I shrugged her off. “Hey, Ash,” she said. “It’s going to be all right.”

“Is it?” I tried tamping my anger back down before it made its way up my throat, but only managed to swallow it about halfway. “It’s not good enough. What am I supposed to do? Just wait and see what comes back? Not know if it’s real?” I dug my nails into my palms, hard, as I fought to regain control before I put a fist through the car window.

“I’m sure they did their best,” Maya said quietly. “We’ll get there. I know we will. All in good time, okay? And I’ll help you. Tell you if whatever you’re remembering is real or confabulation. You’ll get through this. We’ll get through this.”

I almost let out a laugh. Jesus, she really didn’t understand a thing, did she? I wanted to yell at her, shout I shouldn’t have to ask her to verify my memories, that what I needed was to feel human again, whole, not a broken shell of a man. Letting out a breath, jaw still clenched and heart pounding, I muttered, “Yeah, yeah. All in good time.”

13

LILY