Standing outside clutching the wobbly railing of the old, rickety porch, I took deep breaths, attempting to steady my head, which whirred and spun from my sister’s revelations about the two women I couldn’t remember, but had been involved with. Celine had run away when we were teenagers. Kate had died. And then, a couple of months later, I’d disappeared from Newdale overnight. If that wasn’t the sign of a guilty conscience, I didn’t know what was.

Maybe Keenan’s suspicions were valid, but Maya had been adamant I’d had nothing to do with Celine leaving, or Kate’s death. My sister’s reassurances were welcome, because, without any firsthand knowledge of what I had or hadn’t done, her comfort was all I had.

Last night Maya had pushed pretty hard for me to see a doctor, and perhaps she was right, except...what if I saw someone, got my memory back and found out she was wrong about my lack of involvement? What if the doctor told me my condition was permanent, that I’d never remember anything about my past or know who I truly was? I couldn’t figure out which was worse. When I’d woken up on the beach in Maryland I’d felt lost and confused, scared even. Since my arrival in Newdale those feelings seemed to be turning into anger, a sensation buried deep inside my chest and which I was unable to explain. I could almost feel it expanding and growing, a snarling beast I wasn’t sure I could get under control. Had I always felt this way? This tightly wound? So close to exploding?

After another few minutes of deep breaths, ruminating and trying to force my brain to work properly, I went back inside. Maya sat on the stairs, and when I saw her, my anger dissipated some more. She hadn’t done anything wrong. From the moment she’d heard me on the other end of the phone at the petrol station, she’d bent over backward to help me.

“You don’t have to worry about me leaving town,” I said gently. “You’re my sister. I may not remember it, but I’m going to do whatever I can to make everything come back.”

She nodded, pressing her lips together, looking like she might cry. “But I don’t want you to remember everything. I mean, I wish I could forget the pain of losing Mom and Brad. You don’t have any of that anymore, why would you want it back?”

“I don’t think it works that way. How can I leave who I am behind?”