Her tears began rolling down her cheeks.

“Mel.” I got out of bed and reached out to her.

“Don’t touch me.” She swatted me away.

I stepped back and sat on the bed. “Adrian.” She fought through the tears. “I can’t do this.”

Everything inside of me went sideways. It wasn’t just anxiety that filled me now — it was fear. “What do you mean?” I started to get choked up. “What do you mean you can’t do this?”

“I can’t be with someone who is doing this to himself. I can’t be with someone who is lying to me.”

“I-I can change,” I stammered. “I’ll stop, I —”

“You’ve already broken my trust. This type of behaviour doesn’t only impact you. For months, I’ve been trying to help you lose weight. I’ve given you advice on what foods to eat, I’ve been helping you exercise and get you healthy because I care about you. But this, this isn’t healthy, Adrian. You are going to hurt yourself. You’re going to do damage that you can’t undo. Your body isn’t going to adjust to losing weight like this.” Mel stood up from the chair and grabbed her bag. “I’m sorry, Adrian. I know this is harsh. But I’m not going to be involved with this.” She turned to the door.

“Mel.” I stood up, too. “Mel, don’t leave me. Mel, I need you!”

“What you need is to learn how to trust someone. What you need is to learn how to communicate with your partner. What you need is to not expect me to drag myself down into this hole with you. Adrian, I’ve lost enough people in my life. I’m not adding you to that list.”

Mel left my room and stormed out of the front door. I followed.

“Mel, wait!” I pleaded. She stopped with her back facing me, but she turned her face back.

“If you’re gonna say something, say it.”

“I love you.” I finally said it.

I was right, you know. My heart did sink into my stomach. I felt like I was left with radio silence. Her back was still facing me, but I could see her tense up. Her hand tightened into a fist. And she stood there for a few moments trying to fight back tears.

“Adrian, I . . . I loved you, too. But I can’t continue to love someone who is lying to me, someone who is harming himself because they love me. I’m sorry.”

Mel walked away and didn’t look back. I stood there in a t-shirt and boxers, watching the girl I loved leave me. I felt empty, and not just because of the purging. Anxiety settled in my chest again — with reinforcements. It was all my fault. I had lied to her, and when you’re not honest with someone, that hurts them. I couldn’t hear her melody anymore. Her magic left my chest, and my heart was filled with what felt like stone. Later I learned it was depression. But in that moment, I felt lost in a sea of uncertainty. The light I followed no longer wanted to shine on me. I was left in the dark.