The next morning, I woke up and everything was a blur. I could see a sideways figure sitting on a chair beside my bed. I let my eyes adjust and saw Mel was sitting there, looking like she was ready to leave. She was staring at me.

“Adrian. What were you thinking last night?”

My memory came back in a flash. I remembered everything about the night before, Mel finding me on the bathroom floor, and I had no excuse.

“I’m sorry.” I sat up feeling light-headed. “I ate all of that food and I went to the bathroom and I stood on the scale.”

“You got on the scale? Dude. I told you not to do that. That number isn’t accurate.”

“I know,” I said. “I can’t help myself, though. I stepped on the scale and saw that I was five pounds more than I was in the morning. I didn’t want to do a cheat day.”

“Then why didn’t you just tell me?” She was furious. “Why didn’t you talk to me? We spoke about this.”

“I . . .” I didn’t know what to say. “I don’t know. I thought it’d make you happy if I did.”

“Oh, shut up. That’s bullshit. I found you last night with two fingers in your mouth, and you’re saying that you’re trying to make me happy? How long have you been doing this, Adrian?”

If communication was key, then I had to come clean.

“For a while.”

“How long is a while?”

“Almost since we started dating.”

I could hear Mel take a breath. She looked as shocked as if I’d hit her.

I continued. “Mel, I haven’t been eating properly. At best, I have two meals a day and a lot of water in between. Most days I’m so tired and hungry that I feel like I want to pass out. I’ve been unhealthy about this whole weight loss journey. I haven’t told you because I didn’t want you to worry about me. I’ve been doing this because I’m tired of Lewis making fun of me, I’m tired of feeling insecure in my own body, and I’m doing this so you can have a boyfriend who looks good.”

“I told you I didn’t care what size you were.” She stood up. “I don’t care if you’re bigger than most boys. That’s not why I wanted to be with you.”

She did say that in the beginning. She had said all of that.

“But I was wrong about you having an honest heart,” she added. “You tell me that you’ve barely been eating food and then tell me not to worry? Adrian, the foundation of this entire relationship has been built on a lie. You can’t excuse that. You lied to me, and you’re hurting yourself. You are digging a grave, and you expect me to hold a shovel for you.” Her anger turned into tears and I could see her starting to shake.

“I’m not going to watch you kill yourself to lose weight, you stupid boy.”