‘Can you not see the difference, Mary? “I told you first”, like it was newsworthy. How many other people did you feel the need to inform? You liked the guy, didn’t you? Says here you friended him on Facebook. That’s not true, is it?’

‘What’s the noise outside?’

Her attempt to change the subject didn’t work.

‘Did you friend him?’

‘No.’

‘No?’

‘Not really. I dunno, I pressed a button to keep an eye. “Like” or “join” or something.’

‘So, you – whoever you are – friended your client on Facebook and told everyone you fancied him. Right. How much have you been drinking while I’ve been away?’

‘Not much.’

‘During the day?’

‘No, but I’ll be able to now I’m not working.’

‘This isn’t funny, you idiot.’

Mary’s face itched but she dared not scratch.

‘A Miss Fiona Bellwood says you answered the phone pissed when Liam called you. According to Miss Bellwood, “Mrs Shields was practically naked and when she answered his call, she screamed: ‘Are you fucking someone else?’ When she realised Liam was with me, she got angry. She’d been drinking. I could see lingerie and sex tools on her bed.” Tell me that’s not true.’

‘No.’ Before today, Mary had lied to Roddie on five occasions, four of which related to not-smoking/smoking, the fifth when she said his attempt at a hipster beard was sexy. She decided not to count this as a lie, as Roddie was not Roddie but a thin guy who hated her.

‘Did you fuck someone over there?’ She should not have asked, as it made him furious.

‘Really? Really, you’re asking me that now?’

‘Those girls on Facebook, I saw – bet they were all over you, the one with the nose piercing?’

Roddie put his open laptop on Mary’s legs and began dressing. ‘I’m going to Jack’s. Why don’t you stay here and relax, perhaps do some light reading?’

Mary glanced at the blog title on the laptop as Roddie slammed the door.

MISANDRIST OF THE MONTH

Goes to Mary Shields, fifty-two, from 20 Mansion House Square, Glasgow. Ms Shields, criminal-justice social worker based in Renfield (pictured above), is the perfect example of everything that’s hateful, unfair and ugly in the world. Feel free to disagree in the comments section below but Mzzz Suffradyke, along with her muff mafia are on a mission to ensure female supremacy.