‘You’re a cunt,’ said one of the women.

‘You’re too ugly to rape,’ said one of the men.

Twenty-five years in the job and the most important lesson Mary had ever learned was that you get more info out of folk if you’re driving with them. Hence, Mary had spent as much of every day as possible driving her clients aboot. She’d driven schedule-one offenders from prisons to their nice new homes opposite primary schools; ten-year-old kids from their really fucking shite homes to their new really fucking shite homes; and heroin users to rehab, then back to Renfield to get gear. It made people relax, sitting in a car and not having to look at you, and Mary aimed to make the most of that now.

‘Holly doesn’t think you’re a violent man, Liam, even though you murdered her mother.’

‘Jesus Christ, see what I mean about her?’ Holly said from the back.

‘It’s okay, Holl.’ A tiny vein on Liam’s forehead twitched. He paused and turned to Holly. ‘She just wants you to be safe, and you are.’

‘Bet you say that to all the girls.’ Mary wondered if she’d said this out loud, but recently, whenever she’d wondered this and investigated the matter, she invariably had always said the thing she hoped she hadn’t. Luckily, this time she felt confident she’d kept some thoughts to herself; like arsehole.

Mary pressed answer instead of decline when her personal mobile rang. Shit.

‘Mum?’

She almost hit the car in front of her trying to press end. The button wasn’t working. Her finger was too sweaty. ‘Jack, can I call you back?’

‘Where’s my charger?’ he said.

‘Um … can I call you back?’

‘It was in my bag when I was at yours last. Did you take it out? Will you stop stealing my fucking stuff?’

Mary checked the rear-view mirror to confirm that Holly was smirking. She wiped her fingers on her jeans, pressed end; still too sweaty. ‘I’ll look at home and bring it over if I find it. Gotta––’

‘Never mind, I’ll go buy one. Guess what I’m reading?’

To Mary’s horror, her son began reciting from Cuck. ‘“Your upper lip is gathered so tightly it’s turned an inhuman shade of green.” He’s flowery, your wife killer!’

Mary finally managed to hang up.

Liam smiled. ‘He sounds like an only child.’

Mary had been caught out behaving like a human, as well as breaching confidentiality. She had lost all her power. It took her two deep breaths before deciding to answer. ‘He is.’

‘Is he cute?’ Holly said from the back.

Mary took her eyes off the road to say: ‘He’s cross-eyed, pockmarked, obese and bald.’

But Holly was looking at Mary’s screensaver, and Jack was none of the above.

4

CUCK, Dr Liam Macdowall

The Thirtieth Letter

Dear Bella,