It was 1.00 p.m. when Mary collapsed on her bed and pressed ‘play’ on her laptop (Are We Sluts, season three, episode six). Her eyes were getting heavy, her legs were getting heavy, her body was becoming part of the bed.

She woke to the intercom buzzing. It was still light, but Mary had no idea what time it was. Before answering, she raced round, looking for somewhere to hide the cocaine. Her decision to put it in her River Island Boot made her wince because it reminded her that she had also hidden a wad of child abuse images in there, probably. She’d never wear those boots again; take them to Oxfam after all this was over. Mary took a breath and answered the intercom.

‘Is that Mrs Shields?’

‘Ms.’

‘It’s the police, can you let us in please?’

16

Mary expected the police to ask her a lot of questions, but did not expect one of them to be: ‘You masturbated to the point of climax while fantasising about Macdowall?’ The cop was female, fourteen, and at some point had taken Mary’s red notebook from her satchel. Teen cop raised her eyebrows at sidekick cop, who looked busy counting his days to retirement.

Teen cop had already grilled her about Macdowall’s death and the hours and days preceding it, and she’d answered with confidence and a fair amount of honesty. Throughout her work life, Mary constantly imagined herself in court, defending whatever she was doing or saying, and was practised at it. Jack used to chide her for this all the time because apparently she applied the rule to everything, including the dishes. The policewoman took notes and, to Mary’s surprise, did not seem at all interested in blaming her for Macdowall’s suicide or in ruining her reputation and career. In fact, Mary was starting to like teen cop.

‘You haven’t been online this afternoon?’ she asked.

Mary shook her head. ‘I was at Lowfield; had an urgent report.’

‘Derek McLaverty is using Macdowall’s death to promote his cause and sell books. You’re the perfect bad gal.’

‘He’s a bad egg.’ Unexpected remark from retirement cop.

‘McLaverty was arrested trying to see his kids when he got back from Edinburgh last night. He’s safe inside for three weeks, but he’s good at ruining lives, even from his cell; he’s got a big network. He’ll do anything he can to undermine you. Like telling us you had an affair with Macdowall, which is why I’m asking you about your feelings for him. And considering what’s written in this notebook, did you?’

‘Did I masturbate while fantasising about him, or did I have feelings for him?’

She read out loud: ‘“Last night I fantasied about Liam Macdowall and pure came like a banshee.”’