‘Satisfied?’ Adrian smiled his best I’m OK smile.

‘Can I hug you?’ Tom asked.

‘Gently,’ Adrian said as Tom wrapped his long, slender arms around his shoulders, barely touching him.

‘I love you, Dad.’

‘I love you, too.’ Adrian’s voice cracked as he said the words.

Tom didn’t look at his father; instead, he grabbed his bag and disappeared. Adrian didn’t have time to think about Tom, about what his son might think of him if he knew the truth. That he might be ashamed of his father, that he might never look at him the same way again. Seeing Tom just strengthened Adrian’s resolve not to report it.

He walked up the stairs and got into the shower for the third time that day. He never stayed in there for long, but there was something about the feeling of the water all around him that made him feel better. He liked the idea that all the skin he had inhabited that day was now gone, rubbed away and down the drain. He had shed his outer layer; there was no part of the skin he had now that had touched that man. A small comfort, but any comfort was good.

He found himself alternating between two tracksuits, washing one while he was wearing the other, obsessed with being clean.

Adrian hadn’t been completely honest with Tom. He had no intention of going to bed just yet; he had something else to do first.

He walked out of the house and to the Sacred Heart Church on South Street. He hadn’t been to church in a while, not unless he was there as a police officer to ask questions. His mother had insisted he be confirmed at the Sacred Heart and so going there would at least make him feel closer to her, if not God. He rarely missed his mother; he didn’t allow himself to think about her much. Since the attack he wanted her here more than ever – she would know how to make it go away, wouldn’t she?

She often took him to church. He would sit on the back pew during confessional while she disappeared inside the wooden cubicle for what felt like an eternity. When she came out, she always seemed better somehow, renewed. He wanted to feel that. Today, he was the one here to confess.

The times of confession were on the website; he had looked it up. He felt confident that he could disclose to a priest, even though he had almost forgotten how to make confession. It was strange to him that this would be the place he would come, but he didn’t trust anyone else with his soul and that’s what needed cleansing now.