The familiar smell of the church was reassuring. He touched the holy water and did the sign of the cross as he passed over the threshold. There was no one else in here; it was empty. He walked to the confessional and stepped inside.

‘Forgive me, Father, for I have sinned. It has been over ten years since my last confession.’

‘Go on.’ The voice came from behind the panel.

Adrian took a deep breath. ‘I have lied, I have engaged in self-abuse.’

‘What do you mean by self-abuse?’

‘I drink a lot and sometimes I get into fights on purpose. I have also been sexually promiscuous.’

‘Why did you come here now after ten years? You know you’re supposed to come at least once a year.’

‘I know, Father. My faith has not always been strong. I feel further from God than ever and so I wanted to make confession.’

‘Why do you feel further from God?’

‘I can’t tell you,’ Adrian said, suddenly unsure of himself.

He came to confess but he didn’t expect it to be so difficult.

‘I’m bound by the confessional, you can speak to me,’ the priest said.

‘I was sexually assaulted. I can’t help wondering if it’s because I’m being punished for something, for losing faith, maybe.’

‘For not coming to church? No. That’s not why you were sexually assaulted.’

‘I need to attach some meaning to what happened. I need for there to be a reason.’

‘The reason belongs to the person who attacked you; they know why it happened. The fault doesn’t lie with you. You mustn’t blame yourself.’

Adrian caught his breath. He still had one more sin to confess.

‘I’ve considered taking my own life.’

‘Suicide is a mortal sin. It’s important that you preserve your life, not just for God, but also for yourself, for the people around you who love and depend on you. Think about how your death would affect them,’ the priest said.

‘I know. It just comes over me, though. That I can’t be here anymore, that I can’t deal with this. I don’t want to think it. I’m trying not to,’ Adrian said, unsure of how to explain the way it had just suddenly become a viable option for him, as though it could be the answer to anything.

‘If you have ever lost someone you love, or even if you love someone profoundly, you can imagine how their death would affect you. Do you want to be the cause of that kind of pain for the people around you?’

‘No, of course not.’ Adrian wiped his face.

‘Then resist. You can conquer this. You have already been through the worst part. What comes now is healing and healing takes time. Be patient.’