Tom sat at one end of the sofa and Adrian at the other. They didn’t get far into the movie before Adrian fell asleep, another hurdle jumped. He hadn’t considered how difficult it would be to see Tom again. Everything was difficult, everything was new. It was as though someone had flipped the world upside down and blindfolded him, still expecting him to know his way around. Being with Tom felt good, if uncomfortable, but then everything was uncomfortable. It didn’t feel dangerous like almost every other situation.

He woke just as the end credits were rolling. Tom had nodded off too at some point. Adrian’s phone vibrated and lit up; it was Dr Hadley.

‘Hi.’

‘I just wanted to give you a call and see how you were doing. Did your HIV test at the clinic go OK? I can swing by later on if you need me to, if you want a chat or anything?’

‘The test went OK; I should get the results in a couple of weeks. And you don’t have to come and see me. I’ll come and see you soon.’

‘It’s no bother. I’m guessing you still haven’t spoken to anyone about what happened.’

‘Not yet, no.’

‘There are people you can phone anonymously. Don’t suffer through this alone. It won’t go away on its own.’

‘I know. Thank you. I will speak to someone.’

‘If you need to speak to me about what happened that night, you can. I’m happy to listen.’

The idea of telling anyone he then had to look in the eye on a regular basis was not something Adrian could even consider without feeling nauseous. She was right, though. He did need to speak to someone. The guilt and shame were pulling him to pieces.

Tom took a deep breath and opened his eyes. Adrian couldn’t cope with both of these states at the same time, victim and father – he could only just manage one and not even that convincingly.

‘I can’t really talk right now. I’ll come and see you in a couple of days,’ Adrian said and hung up the phone.

‘Everything OK?’

‘Yes, fine. I’m just tired. You’re welcome to hang out here, but I think I need to get back to bed.’

Adrian poised himself to get up, mentally preparing himself for the pain. He wanted to have a shower; it had become a part of his routine to have one at this time of day. His routine was about the only thing keeping him together right now.

Tom stood and held both of his hands out to Adrian to help him to his feet. Adrian was so proud of the person Tom was turning into. He couldn’t cry, not now, he had done so well.

‘Nah, I told Mum I would get back. Just wanted to make sure you’re OK.’